One World, One Dream ; To Share The Athletic Prettiness.

You didn't think I was going to let the Olympics go without saying something horny, did you? Fortunately for you, the sheer size and scope of the entire competition made it impossible for me to fish out every single piece of Olympian Hotness from every sport, so rest assured that I will not be venturing into the double digits this time around.

Alex Shwazer (Italy)
--gold medallist, men's 50km race walk


I saw the man for the first time on the medallists' podium, where I must admit I was initially taken aback when the ostensibly blond Teutonic-looking guy with the very German name started weeping at the sound of the Italian national anthem. But I quickly put two and two together ( I am pretty smart, you know, contrary to the impression I may give) and then my mom and I, almost simultaneously, said "He's pretty good-looking, kan?" and then we went "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" when he started sobbing halfway through the Italian anthem (which is a pretty kick-ass tune to sing along to, and what do we Malaysians get for an anthem? A love song we stole from Indonesia, that's what) and then we immediately started looking for repeats of the men's 50km race walk. German, Italian, whatever. Please, Alex, please come back for London 2012. You're the only reason I'll ever watch race walks again.

Ryan Lochte (USA)
---He's a swimming man. In case that thing he's wearing didn't make it really obvious. And didn't he win the gold for the swimming relay in the team which may or may not have included a certain person some people may probably have heard of? Phelps? Is that his name?

To quote the ever reliable Grace, "Ryan Lochte is a slightly nicer-to-look-at specimen of an aquatic man than the I-Listen-To-Lil' Wayne-Phelps". And I must say I agree. Phelps who?
Also, the fact that I found the above picture on a website called gaysocialites.com probably means something. Ryan, you can come back for London 2012, too. I'll be waiting.

Novak Djokovic (Serbia)
--men's tennis singles bronze medallist. Bloody hell the man can hit a ball while underwater! ZOMFG!


I've been a fan of the dude in more ways than one, since, like, waaaay before the, like, Olympics, like, omg. He didn't get the gold, neither did he get the chance to pull off some of his famous and genuinely hilarious impersonations of other tennis hotshots. But he did rip off his shirt when he won the bronze medal match. That was a spectacle. The telecast got cut off for a while, and I thought that perhaps he had taken off his shorts as well, and they couldn't show his thing on TV. But I don't think he did. The great thing about Novak is that his sense of humour and fun is what makes him hot, plus I don't have to wait four years to see him or his Andy Roddick impression again. He'll be on my TV screen at least 4 times a year. US Open, here I come.

Matt Mitcham (Australia)
--10m diving gold medallist


It's a good thing you're gay, Matthew. If I can't have you, then no other woman should. It's the universe playing fair for once.

I'd have also put in the entire German field hockey team, but I can't find a decent enough shot of them. But I still love the Olympics, don't you? Peace and friendship between nations is nice and everything, but it's the eye candy we really want.

And yes, I've changed my blog colours again.

The Magnificent Movie Meme

I am swiping this from the awesome Beckeye's blog and tagging myself. As usual.

1. One that made you laugh.
--Shaun of the Dead (2004)

I'm not usually one for zombie flicks, but this was the one I simply could not say no to. A movie that describes itself as a rom-zom (romantic zomedy) is just begging for me to watch it. The girl-in-the-garden-scene makes me crack up even when I'm only thinking about it and let's not even start with the "Kill the Queen!", which is one of the most quotable movie lines I have ever had the good fortune to be able to utilize. Simon Pegg is a freaking comic genius, and if the whole I'm-waiting-for-Jake thing doesn't work out, Mr.Pegg would not be an unworthy substitute.


2. One that made you cry
--The Fox and the Hound(1981)

I cried buckets watching this as a seven year old, and ten years later a simple story of a hunting dog and a fox, two friends that had no clue that they were supposed to be enemies and well, essentially kill each other, still has the power to get me all massively choked up. This beats most other Disney flicks ( with the obvious exception of The Lion King -nobody defies Simba, I tell you) in terms of simple storytelling and the subtle but oh-so-difficult art of making you care about the characters, everybody from the baby fox to the grumpy old farmer. This flick, however, is not one that I make a habit of watching too often. It gets really painful having a lump in your throat for two hours straight. I sometimes think I'm a bit of a mean old beeyotch; I never cry when they show us all the starving African children on American Idol Gives Back, and there have been only five episodes of Oprah that made me choke up and my eyes go all blurry with tears ( most notably Elie Wiesel's return to Auscwhitz and that one time I was really really hungry and Oprah gave the entire audience chocolate cake or pork pie or something. Man was I pissed then) but a movie or a song or a book can move me so much I can pretty much break down in sobs - but only when I'm alone, of course. And yes, I cried when Dumbledore died. Sue me. The Fox and the Hound, a beautifully crafted movie, and very much criminally underrated.

3. One movie you loved when you were a child.
--Babe(1995)

Nobody quite does the talking animal shindig anywhere near as well as 1995s Babe these days. Have you seen this movie? It's awesome. The movement and mannerisms of the dogs and the ducks and pigs..man, it was like they were actually acting. And maybe at the time I didn't realize that some elements were pretty gory and violent, and still not entirely meant to be a children's movie. But what the heck. It's a sweet story, with just enough melodrama, funny as hell, smart, witty and it has a message, just not a preachy holier-than-thou type message.
This is one brilliant movie, and any turdhead planning to make a live-action talking animal flick had better take some lessons from Babe first.

4. One you've seen more than once.

--Mean Creek(2004) and Jarhead(2005)
I'm going to have to make this a tie, because I've seen a lot of movies more than once, but Mean Creek and Jarhead are probably the only few that fall into the More Than 10 Times category. I kid you not. I have already reviewed Mean Creek, and I could keep telling you about what a terrific and superbly crafted flick it is, but I won't, because you should just go watch it, right now, before you die. Jarhead, on the other hand, in addition to being a wonderfully scripted and brilliantly acted piece of art, also features Jake Gyllenhaal dancing naked with nothing but a Santa hat on his boy-parts. Needless to say, I have never been able to look at another Santa hat without smirking. Ever again. But in all seriousness, Jarhead is a great movie. It's not political in the least, despite being about war. The soldiers' political leanings are irrelevant to the story. As on character says, "It's happening, we're here. All the rest is bullshit". I'm still pretty adamant about the fact that Jacob should have received a best actor Oscar nomination for this one. It's quite a hardcore performance, naked Santa dance excluded.

5. One you loved but were embarrassed to admit it.
--House of Wax(2005)
I'm not really embarrassed to say I enjoyed this one immensely. It's a stupid movie, with a stupid premise, stupid story, a stupid villain, stupid acting and a stupid conclusion. How can an entire house be made of wax and not melt? It's not in Canada, you know. How can one realistically expect Chad Micheal Murray to be hot? In any way? Are the sudden loud sounds and heavy breathing supposed to scare us? I was just happy to see Paris Hilton get impaled to death. I'd have liked it even more if they had cast Jensen Ackles in it, and made him die. With his shirt off.

6. One you hated.
-27 Dresses (2008)

This movie sucked so much I turned it off after 45 minutes and I have never seen the rest of it. I don't need to sit through to the ending to know that it will just keep sucking all the way to the closing credits. Do yourselves a favour. Don't watch this. Be good to your soul. Go watch Jake's Santa boogie.

7. One that scared you
--The Sixth Sense (1999)

It didn't scare me in the way most Hollywood flicks attempt to terrify their viewers; with loud music, sudden noises, lots of screaming, puddles of blood and disemboweled guts. It just made you feel really really uncomfortable, made your toes go chilly for some reason, made you look over your shoulder a few times, twiddle your fingers a bit nervously and when the twist in the ending clunked you on the head you just sat there, trying to get yourself on the same intellectual level as M.Night Syamalan and figure out what in the name of Haley Joel Osment just happened. (How did Bruce Willis die?? How?? You never showed him dying, dammit!) It's a pity the Syamalan has never quite come close to what made The Sixth Sense so awesome in any of his later movies.

8. One that bored you
--America's Sweethearts (2001)

Not even the adorableness of John Cusack could redeem this movie in my eyes. And it made me hate Catherine Zeta-Jones.
I'm hungry.


9. One that made you happy.
--Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

Forget the argument of whether or not its Oscar-worthy. Consider only the fact that the yellow van makes me feel all warm and fuzzy every time I see it. Not to mention the lovely soundtrack by Devotchka and the utterly fab cast of characters. It all left me with a massive grin on my face for the rest of the day.

10. One that made you miserable
--Brokeback Mountain(2005)

I have also already reviewed this. Let's just say it's a pretty goshdarned miserable flick, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. The worst part is that you know from the very beginning that Jack and Ennis would never be together. That was the entire point of the story, that their love would never have a home, that they'd have to move on without each other despite knowing full well that there is no other person they'd ever need. Also it kinda pissed me off that Jake's character had to die, but then I watched Ennis(Heath Ledger) go into Jack's childhood bedroom and go through his old stuff so tenderly and then I saw the two blood-stained shirts wrapped up in each other and then I started going all dammit-Ang Lee-stop-trying-to-reduce-me-into-an-incomprehensible-blubbering-idiot. The scene in the tent on the second night was also pretty awfully tear-jerking, and many many props go to both Heath and Jake for making that moment ever bit as gentle and tender and full of lurve as any scene in any other movie between a man and a woman. But what made it all the more worse-er was when the closing credits rolled and Willie Nelson started drawling "He was a friend of mine/He died on the road/He was a friend of mine". That painful throat-lumping just had to start again, didn't it?

11. One movie you weren't brave enough to see
--Ben Hur(1959)
I've seen bits and pieces of it as a kid, but that movie is just so effing long I doubt I'll be taking the VCD out any time soon.

12. One movie character you've fallen in love with
I could say any character Jake has ever played. But I'll be good and say David Posner of the History Boys. I've already raved over him too much, so let's just say that if he weren't gay, I'd so totally marry him.

13. The last movie you saw
In the cinema, it was the Dark Knight, and I don't need to tell you how awesome it was. The other night I re-watched Gattaca on HBO. Ethan Hawke was hot, and I miss those days when Jude Law wasn't an annoying asshole yet.

14. The next movie you hope to see.
Well, initially it was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, but since the old wrinkly men at Warner Bros have seen fit to delay the release date by almost a year, I suppose I'll settle for the next Big Thing in fantasy, Twilight, which looks bound to be absolutely awful. Bring it on.

I Tag Myself, I Do, I Do.

My brain has been turned to mush by the shock of seeing the love of my life in such a deplorable condition (see previous post) that all planned intelligent posts must take a back seat for now.

The rules are simple. Take your first name. Add the word "needs" to it. Google.

1. Vanessa needs our prayers.
--She does. Despite her agnostic-ness, it may be the only way she can recover from seeing Jake look like a mutant. Prince. Thingie. See?? I'm not even funny anymore! Pray for me, you ignoramuses!

2. Vanessa needs Santa to come up her chimney because she's been a naughty little girl this year.
--Uhm. Right. Okaaaaaay.
Well hey, if Santa looked like this, I probably wouldn't mind him going up my chimney. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

3. Vanessa needs an orthodontist.
--I take offense at that. I really do. I may be one crayon short of a full box but otherwise my toothies are fine, thank you. I don't even give a goshdarnit about that one stunted tooth that hasn't grown since i was 13.

4. Vanessa needs a sense of humour.
--Eh?

5. Vanessa needed to go to hospital on Friday after a battery of blood tests.
--I'm fine now. Really. It was nothing.

6. Vanessa needs a nose job and some new boobs.
--Yeah I thought so. I was getting kind of bored with my current set.

7. Vanessa needs to obey God and not man.
--Tell your God to go stick.....uhm. Holy water, anyone?

8. Vanessa needs to convince her boyfriend that he needs a haircut.

--Oh emm gee! Google like, totally reads minds, dudes!

9. Vanessa needs to speak more intelligently.
--Screws they! I speaking plenty intelligent, moron you!

10. Vanessa has all your needs covered.
--You bet I do, you pathetico mortals.

On another note, Lee Chong Wei's men's badminton finals was the absolute closest a Malaysian has come to winning an Olympic gold medal in, well, like a really really long time. He is the world number two, after all, and I certainly expected more of him. Silver isn't so bad though, and he was absolutely fantastic in the semifinals anyway. If he had won, then the Malaysians would have been rewarded with gloating rights and a public holiday. No such luck.
I don't care about the holiday. I already am on holiday. I don't like redundant holidays. It makes me feel short-changed.