Bloody Awful Poetry: September 2007

Sunday, September 16, 2007

How To Cheat On An Exam

Here,I present to you, the 1.5 people who read this blog on a regular basis, several tried and tested ways of cheating on an exam.
I myself have tried a few of these methods,and I have never been caught.
Of course,I am no longer a cheat.
I sit for my examinations with an honest and pure heart,ready to test and prove the fruits of my last-minute swotting sessions.
Really.
I don't cheat anymore. I have been reformed.
And here I am,to share my knowledge,and the knowledge others have passed on to me,so you can observe the signs and catch them red-handed. After which you may one of two things

-Rat them out to a teacher
or
-Blackmail them. Hang it over their heads. Torture them for the rest of their school-going lives.

How To Cheat On An Exam.

1. Use Your Fingers
Make up signs and symbols(polite and socially acceptable ones) to represent the letters A,B,C,D and E. In case of need to cheat,discreetly attract your friend's attention(make sure it's someone who won't rat you out) and discreetly use your fingers to show which question it is that you need to cheat on. Your friend will then give you the answer,based on your very own personal secret code.
The drawback of this method is that it only works on multiple answer tests.

2. Paper In Pen Caps
Pretend you want to borrow a pen. Stick a piece of paper with your question in the pen cap. Return the pen. Your friend will discreetly read the question and give you an answer. After a suitable period of time,borrow the pen again. Copy answer. Return pen. Repeat if/when necessary.

3. Tissue paper
Works on the same principle as no.2. Sneeze a lot before the test,to make it clear you have a cold or something. Ask a friend for some tissue(during the test). Take tissue. Pretend to blow your nose. Discreetly write your question on the tissue. Pass the packet back. Keep a piece of tissue to fool everybody else. Your friend will write down the answer on the tissue. You sneeze again.Ask for more tissue. Your concerned friend will pass you the packet. You copy the answers. Sniff a few times for good measure. It's important not to overdo this one,since you risk being melodramatic .

4.Stuff the answers in your shoe or down your sock.
Write down any important formulae or figures on a small piece of paper. When you really really can't take it,excuse yourself to go to the little girl's room(or little boy's room-we don't discriminate on this blog). Lock yourself in the cubicle. Take the paper out of your shoe/sock. Have a good read through. Go back and finish the test. Dispose of the paper (yep,you guessed it) discreetly. This works pretty well,just don't go to the toilet too many times.

5. Get a partner in crime.
Employ someone from a diffrent class or form. Have them keep a reference book or textbook for you. Arrange to meet in a discreet locaton at a discreet time. Meet your parner at said discreet location at said discreet time. Have a good read through. Don't take too long,and make sure nobody who knows you should be doing a test sees you.

6.Scribble on your hand/table/in your examination pad
Elementary. Tables are so full of graffitti anyway,nobody will be able to tell the difference between y=mx+c and Andrew loves Rachel. And no teacher ever bothers to check your writing paper.

7.Peek at another person's paper.
Easy. If you have good eyesight,a long neck,and if the other bugger is willing to co-operate.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The Paper Chase. And More Taggage!

I have exams going on right now,and last night I stayed up till one a.m memorizing Biology facts I should have learned months ago.I fell asleep halfway through the first paper. Thank Darwin I woke up in time.

Anyway. Taggage!

Answer everything,then tag 10 people.

( sheesh. I'll tag one person. Okay?And Grace, I might,ah..plagiarise some of your work. Apologia)

10 People I Love (excluding familia)

Audrey, who lurves SUSHI!

Yosh,who annoys me on average of 6 times a day,but that's okay. 5 years sitting next to me in class has to count for something.

Preeeteeeeveee,who falls madly in love with Xabi Alonso on alternate weekdays and breaks up with him every two sundays. She annoys me too. But I lurve that kid.

Grace, who wants to be a shrew. Or at least I think that's what she said.. Anyway Grace is way rad, and played a huge,HUGE part in my Personal Musical and Vanessa-ness Revolution of 2006.

Kasthuri,who I didn't like very much at first but now my schoolday mornings are empty when she isn't around. Oh and she lyurves chicken.

Annmarie, my philosophy and theology and Heroes discussion partner,and we share Sylar on alternate months,or something like that.

Janice, who is family but I can't leave her out,can I ?

The dude who invented the Internet. You rawk,my man.

Paolo Nutini, who just made my year. He WILL give up the fish and chip business,because of his deep and abiding lurve for me.
And open up a sandwich bar instead.

Grace can have one for free.

Oprah Winfrey,who is the most amazing woman in the world,after my mom.

Aaaand last,but by no means least is-

Oh wait,that's it.
Ten.

10 Things To Do Before I Die
Watch a Liverpool match at Anfield. Or the other stadium,if Anfield gets pulverised by the time I get there.

Travel Around Europe.
I don't care how I get there. Backpacking,by foot,by plane,anything. I just wanna GET there

Get My Arse To A Coldplay Gig

Enuff said.

Write An Awesome Book.
I've always wanted to. Write a book,I mean. I just don't have any ideas. I guess I need to live life for a few more decades. It doesn't matter whether I get published or not. It's just imperative that it should be something I worked on myself,which is honest and funny and it will mean a hell of a lot to me. Me,someone who has wanted to write books for as long as I can remember.

Learn To Cook
I'm a lousy cook. Mainly because I have never actually tried. I can boil an egg. I mean,who can't,right? And I can toast bread. You know how it is,when you've just had a yummy,splendifress meal,and you're so full and warm you feel as though you love everyone in the whole wide world? I want to give people that feeling. Without them needing to put Poison Control or Bomba on speed dial.

Fall in Love
Cheesy,I know.Cheese. Parmesan,cheddar,edam,cheeeeeeeeesy.
But love is so ridiculous and yet so wonderful.
Ridiculous because in most cases it's a stranger,someone with little or no connection with you(initially) and then you want to spend the rest of your life with him/her.
Beautiful because somehow we homo sapiens have the capacity to love someone who isn't family or anything,so very deeply.

Chee-eee-eezay!

Make my mark on the World.
In a positive sense of course. Mean something to someone. Heck, Hannah(that's a buddy of mine) and I hatched a plan to revolutionize the Malaysian judiciary system. It involves bra sizes and ancient perverted Roman court rituals.
Watch out for that one.

Learn To Play a Musical Instrument
It is somewhat ludicrous that I,who love music so much,cannot play an instrument. I have made some vague plans to master the guitar

In the near future,after my exams,using one of those Dummy books.

Finish Reading this bloody Book

And get a Body like this
Weeeell..it was supposed to be a smoking hawt pic of Angelina Jolie but there's something wrong with my html thingie..
Almost impossible,I know. But it's something to do,until I die and can't do anything about it.
Getting a bod like Angelina's,I mean.

Dang,this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would!
Next!

10 Things I Cannot Live Without
-Familia
-My fwends =)
-A home
-Food (like,duh)
-BOOKS!
-Mooosic!

-my computer
-my glasses I am lost without them.
-my fourfourtwo collection. I spend countless hours leafing through sinfully hilarious pieces of sports journalism.

-my jeans,the only article of clothing that makes me look half decent.

10 Bad Habits
-nail-biting
-procrastinating(the worst of all,as exemplified by what I am doing right now. Blogging. Instead.Of.Studying)
-Picking at my scalp. I don't have dandruff or anything. I just like doing it.
-Staring at people in a mean way.
-Indulging in piracy,just like everyone else.
-Gossiping and/or saying mean stuff about other people behind their backs.
-Dropping the F-bomb.

-Refusing to eat fish.
-Spending too much time worrying about things that shouldn't be worried about.
-Spending too much time daydreaming about things and people and places that do not exist.

10 Attitudes That Turn Me Off
-Sexism(e.g male chauvinist pigs)
-Racism.
-People having loud conversations on their mobiles. In the cinema.
-People text messaging other people while you're trying to have a conversation with them.
-People who don't reply text messages within 48 hours.
-People who bump into you then make the "tsssk" sound,while glaring disapprovingly,as if it were your fault they couldn't see where they were going.
-Shameless sucking up,or as Grace put it,sapu-butter-ism.

-Shallow-mindedness,or narrow-mindedness,or stubborn-mindedness. All the same to me.
-Elitism? Aaah..people who forget their roots. Think they're better. Think they're cooler. Prettier. Everything-else-er.
-Sluttiness.

10 Words To Describe Me?
- Sarcastic(somewhat)
-Moody
-Intelligent. (No,really. I am.)
-Sexy.
-Drop-dead gorgeoussss
- Passionate (about some things that I'm passionate about)
-Sensitive
-Procrastinator

-Dreamy(as in I daydream a lot,geddit?)
-Lovable

10 Fave Bands(for now)(not in order.)
-Coldplay
-Muse
-Sigur ros

-Travis
-Bel Auburn
-The Killers
-The Stills
-Arctic Monkeys
-Explosions In The Sky
-Regina Spektor (so,she's not a band,but I love her anyway!)

There! I'm done! I'll just tag one person..