Stuff That Was Awesome In 2008

Guess I felt like blogging again.
Meh.
Now, it's December and all, and any and every blogger worth their salt has been coming up with some plain kicktastic end of year lists of the best music and movies of the last 12 months. I don't feel justified in compiling such lists, because my taste in music ain't all that rad compared to some of you others, and while my taste in movies really is awesome, I haven't watched enough films that were actually released this year in order to merit a properly legit list of that kind. Instead, I am just going to put up a list of very random awesome stuff that made the awesome rounds in a most awesome fashion in 2008.
So.

BAP's Stuff That Was Awesome In 2008

(Wait- is it was awesome or were awesome? Stuff is plural, but you can't count stuff...and were just sounds wrong- oh it's Christmas. Screw grammar.)

1. Dengue fever

Now, see, dengue isn't awesome in any way. It's terrible. You're burning up all the time, everything you put in your mouth tastes like garbage (even water, which, as we all know, has no taste) you throw up roughly 2.75 times a day, you throw up even when there's nothing left in your gut to throw up, on account of you not eating because everything you put in your mouth tastes like garbage anyway. But despite all that, the dengue was awesome, because it added to my life experience, in a way. It was the first time in my life I was ever truly sick. It was the first time I had drips put in. It was the first time I had to stay in hospital. Ever. It was the first time I ever had people come visit me in hospital. It was the first time I had my freaking liver damaged. And because I was basically at the final stages of the illness by the time I was hospitalized, I was allowed to eat pasta and stuff from the Pizza Hut next door, which rawked. I don't get takeout in my own house. And I got to skip two days of school. So yeah. Having dengue fever was awesome, to a degree. Just so I can tell people about it and have them feel bad for me.

2. Sigur ros


Sigur ros is awesome all the time. They just never take any time off from their perpetual State of Awesomeness. Ever. And 2008 was no exception, as they released a brand new album, their fifth studio effort (or maybe it's the sixth, I've lost count) með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust ,which is made up of awesometastic proportions, and proved once and for all that this band is simply incapable of producing bad or unawesome music. They just cannot do it. I believe they were also on tour with Bjork at some point this year, and we all know that Bjork is awesome by default.

3. Doctor Who Series 3 Episode 10 : Blink


I have never watched any of the retro Who episodes, but of all the ones I have seen, Blink takes the cake and the icing and the everything. And there is only about 5 minutes of the Doctor himself in the entire 45 minute show, and even that is being generous. Blink is so awesome, I watched it four times. Blink is so awesome it gave me multiple chills, even on the fourth watch. Blink is so awesome it makes me wish I had written it myself. Blink is so awesome, I will never ever look at a statue or a sculpture in quite the same way again. Blink is so awesome it almost made me want to move to Hull and marry a farmhand. Blink is so awesome it made me go around picking random stuff up and wondering if they would be good enough to be utilized as my Timey-Wimey Detector (which goes DING when there's stuff and makes hens explode). Blink is so awesome it has provided me with enough one-liners to last the whole of 2009. Blink is so awesome I want to marry it and have its babies. However inappropriate it may be.
And I'll take Sally for the Doc's next companion, please!

4. Neil Gaiman



Much like Sigur ros (see item no.2) Neil Gaiman never takes a break from his own perpetual state of Awesomeness. Here is a sexy sexy man who writes sexy sexy stories (except the last few chapters of American Gods. I mean, dude, seriously?) and in 2008 the man did not disappoint with his newest offering, The Graveyard Book, a very simply and sincerely told story of a boy with no name who grows up in a graveyard. And that's all you need to know.
Oh and the fact that it is awesome goes without saying, of course.

5. Donnie Darko


Yeah, so I caught up with the Cult of Darko roughly 7 years too late, but as it is in the case of nearly all good things, better late than never. I realize I have been fangirling too much this year to be taken all that seriously, but I honestly believe Jake Gyllenhaal will never be as good as he was in this film, as Donnie. It was an all-encompassing performance, by turns chilling, disturbing, heart-wrenching and full of awesomeness in every scene. An angsty psychopathic pill-popping arsonist with a penchant for art and the ability to see six-foot tall bunny rabbits named Frank and is destined to save the world? I mean, where the heck are you going to get another role like that? Jake was so good in this, I wanted to crawl under the couch and bawl my eyes out. The soundtrack to this movie is so perfect, it hurrrrts. The story appears to make no sense whatsoever, but you know that it is Awesome, and Awesomeness of this breed takes a lot of time and thought to truly be appreciated.

6. Jake Gyllenhaal

I think, that maybe, just maybe, I may have said enough about this individual for the year. I'll zip it. Seriously.

7. Help! The Movie



I don't even want to talk about it, it's too awesomely ridiculous. Go. Go forth and watch, and Bust Thy Guts Laughing.


8. The Pelle Carlberg and Club 8 Gig


Which I attended with Grace and her buddy, Boon Ken, made all the more sweeter by the fact that I almost cancelled my plans to go. I've always intended to put up a proper concert review of sorts, and I am going to do that next month, on the anniversary of the gig. And Boon Ken, if you're reading this, I'm stealing your pictures.


9. English Literature Classes

Which were an absolute lifesaver after the boredom and mind-numbing monotony of school. Sure, I have to bust my ass to get all the way to town to attend (and once, it was pouring with rain,but I went anyway, even though I do have to walk part of the way), and it's quite tough to think all intellectually when you've just had your brain mushed in school and your eyes are burning and and you're dreaming about your dinner, but it's such a relief to be able to talk about books in a language I actually enjoy speaking and writing,with people I can stand to be around, and it's pretty much four hours a week of escapism, really. And I get do it again for another year. Bliss.

10. Novak Djokovic Winning The Australian Open


It was the first time I had really gotten into tennis, and stopped viewing it as a posh rich person's sport where all you do is watch a ball fly back and forth across a net for anywhere between 40 minutes or 5 hours ( sometimes you also get to look at pretty people, I've realized). And I had so much fun with this year's tournament. I even watched repeats. Imagine! Repeats. And when Novak won it felt almost like a personal victory. Of course, after that he turned all whiny and bratty and I'm not quite sure what to make of him anymore.

11. Heath Ledger's Joker


I realize that practically every other blog on the planet is raving about the man, especially now that it's awards season and all, but really, what's not to rave? The dude's portrayal of The Joker was a full on CAPS LOCK AWESOME. I was trying to make up my mind about whether or not he deserves all the plaudits that are being heaped upon him, and wondering if he would have had the same admiring reaction if he were still alive today. And I guess he truly does.Deserve it , I mean. I've always maintained that it was a sort of a blessing that he passed when he did, or he would have been spending the rest of his existence trying to live up to The Joker. Or maybe not, we'll never know now. The man is nothing more than a stranger to me, however connected I may have felt to any of the characters he played onscreen, yet his passing did affect me in a way I'm still having trouble explaining. I mean, the very first song that played on my mp3 player the morning I found out about his death has now become The Heath Song, never to be deleted from the computer, ever (well, the virus messed with that, you know. But still. The BAP has backup files). So yes. Heath Ledger's Joker shall eternally be the epitome of Awesome, the level of Awesome to which all other actors will aspire to and probably never reach. And that's for the best, I suppose.
Oh and just so that we never forget how pretty Heath was:


There. The Joker was AWESOME but that makeup sure didn't do him any favours.

12. Pushing Daisies


Best thingamajibby on the television all year. And now my brother tells me it's being cancelled. Sinful, I tell you. Where else am I going to satisfy my pie needs? And my Ned needs? And my quirky humour needs? And my Kristin Chenowyth needs? And my Ned/Chuck/SQUEE! needs?

13. Radiohead

Yet another group of individuals who are incapable of ever not being Awesome (and Barb, I say that to make you happy). I believe In Rainbows was released last October, but who cares, really. It is packed full of awesome Awesomeness from start to finish, so it doesn't really matter at all what year it was released.
I shall now let the Awesome speak (sing?) for itself.



14. Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

The book was a sort of reward to myself for snagging a bunch of As for My Very Important Exams, and it even kept me company during my dengue-afflicted days. It is AWESOME in many ways, my favourite Awesome part being of course Alex's very garbled, very exaggerated and very ridiculous narration of the "Very Rigid Journey". I suppose it's best if you start off reading without knowing a thing about the plot other than the fact that it is Awesome, and also more than a little bit sad. And if you get the chance, do watch the movie adaptation as well. It stars Elijah Wood and that moustachioed freak from Gogol Bordello (who actually does a fantastic job) and boasts a gorgeous soundtrack to boot.

15. James Franco

He's had a pretty awesome year, first with Pineapple Express, Milk, hosting Saturday Night Live, the Golden Globe nomination, and the Acting With James Franco tutorial videos.



The general consensus is that these videos are pretty funny, but I wouldn't know. See, my computer doesn't have any speakers. I know. Not awesome at all. And my lip-reading skills aren't that rad either, so you people will have to watch it and tell me how funny it really is, if at all. All I can attest to is that Franco's younger brother isn't all that bad-looking himself.



For years, I've regarded him as the Very Pretty but Somewhat Mediocre actor from the Spiderman flicks, but then he starts getting good. I mean, like, really good. I mean, like, PHWOAR the boy can ACT! moments of epiphany. Also other moments, like, PHWOAR the boy is PRETTEH! type of realizations. And then you discover less superficial things about him, like he paints, and writes poetry, and reads James Joyce and Doestoevsky on set, and is currently pursuing two masters at the same time at two different universities, and is taking like, I don't know, 62 subjects and scoring all As like nobody's business. I can't remember ever wanting to shag a guy for the sake of his pure brainpower alone this much before (well okay it helps that he's hot). But he has come perilously close to replacing Jake. Not to mention that he is also responsible for what is probably the year's Awesomest interview. And I do indeed look forward to see how his career goes off from here. In the meantime, feel free to talk nerdy to me, Franco.

16. The Many Hours Spent With Grace Who Never Updates

Yes, Grace, I had to put this in. I've had a pretty miserable year all things considered, and all those weekends we spent eating food that wasn't very good for us, spending money we didn't really have, watching movies that probably weren't worth the ticket prices, talking superficial talk, peppered with varying doses of hormonally-charged fangirling while being stared at all the time by other people, those times were utter lifesavers. In fact, they were probably what kept me sane in the year of 2008. So props to you, because you rawkz, and here's to another year of more of the same stuff, dude.


Cheers, and Merry Blogmas to you all, peasants.

Regularly Scheduled Blogging Shall Resume Soon. Eventually. Or Whenever I Feel Like It.

Come on. Give me a break, yes? It's Christmas time!
But more importantly (much much much more importantly);today is Jake's 28th birthday.


I'm not entirely sure whether it's December 19th yet in Los Angeles as I type this. Or London. Or Morocco. Or wherever Jake and his wonderful self are at the moment. But as we all know, conflicting time zones are no obstacle at all to the power of True Love (or Perverse Obsession. Same thing, really [but you know, to be fair, I have turned it down quite a bit over the last few months.Indulge me] ).

And look, Jake! See what I got you?


I bet you know what those are for, you smart-ass-Harvard-Westlake graduate, you! It's so you can get your hair cut. Like, soon. And do us all a favour in the long run. Make Reese do it, since she loves you so much. And you know, I'm going to throw in a razor as well. There. Now you can look just like you did before that stupid Prince of Persia crap came along and made you turn all caveman ugly, which we did not think was a possibility.

And here, my Jewish Sweetness, , have a baby panda, just for kicks. I reckon you'd be bored of puppies by now, eh?



Cheers, Gyllenhaal.

I'm Only Doing This Because 7 Is A Magic Number.

Seriously.
Ask J.K Rowling.
And you should never ever ever deny the magic.

This is basically the same as the 6 Things Meme, which is floating around here somewhere, except that it's the 7 Things Meme. And not the 6 Things Meme, because that would've been reeeally confusing.

7 Things You Dislike The Most

1. I have a wisdom tooth growing in my left jaw and it's making my gums all sore and I can barely touch that side of my face. And the worst part is that I don't feel any wisdomisher.
2. Katy Perry and I share the same birthday.
3. This computer has no speakers.
4. Coldplay have seven Grammy nominations.
5. 6 different people should have died on last night's episode of Heroes. None of them stayed dead.
6. The only copy of In Rainbows at Speedy costs RM62.90. I call that obscenity! (Somebody go get me that for Christmas).
7. The fact that 4 out of the 7 things I dislike all have something to do with pop culture. I therefore dislike the fact that I am shallow.

7 Things You Like The Most

1. My purple faux-royal fingernails. (SHALLOW!)
2. Coldplay have seven Grammy nominations.
3. Pretty people.
4. The fact that I no longer have to share a room with my grandmother. I know I'm supposed to love her and everything but gawsh were those 4 years torturous.
5. I have finally acquired a copy of Neil Gaiman's Graveyard Book which you should all go read like right now. It has pretty pictures in it.
6. I'm still on holiday.
7. Re-runs of The Simpsons on weekdays.

7 Important Things In Your Room

1. This computer. This speakerless, ancient, forcing-me-to-stick-the-keyboard-on-my-lap computer.
2. Books. No Bible, though. I'm a heathen.
3. The 9th edition of the Oxford Concise English Dictionary, which has served me well for the last 8 years. Thank you, Oxford Concise English Dictionary. 9th edition.
4. Mix CDs, the majority of which are from Grace, which are all serving me well in these dark days of no-music-files-in-computer.
5. Journals, paper scraps, magazine cut-outs and letters.
6. Dude, I cannot think of 7 very important things in my room!
7. Oh yeah I can. Me.


7 Random Facts About You

1. I had eggs for lunch.
2. I watched Twilight for the second time on Wednesday. (Judge not! I didn't pay for it this time. I was merely helpi4ng out a friend.)
3. I've discovered that I have a thing for Robert Pattinson's teeth. Meh.
4. I am extremely relieved that Brandon Flowers shaved his 'tache off.
5. I have only ever had Starbucks one time in my entire life.
6. As of the year 2005, I had never missed a single episode of Survivor. Not once. Man was I a sorry case back then.
7. I cannot ride a bicycle. But you already knew that.

7 Things You Plan To Do Before You Die

1. Move to Iceland.
2. Watch Slumdog Millionaire. They use Sigur ros in the trailer. It HAS to be good.
3. Acquire a Scottish boyfriend.
4. Learn to play the guitar.
5. Publish something. (One measley book review in the Sunday paper is nice and all, you know. But still.)
6. Watch Sigur ros perform live.
7. Get reeeeeeeeeally reeeeally drunk. Just once.

7 Things You Find Attractive In The Opposite Sex
*all 7 are totally arbitrary of course

And hey. What if I don't find the opposite sex attractive? At all? What then? Screw you, sexist meme!
Is "sexist" the word? No wait...sexuality-biased meme!! That's right, right? Right.


7 Celebrity Crushes

See? This is the sort of crap I thrive on. This is the brand of superficial gunk upon which the very foundations of this blog are based upon. Bring it.

1. Some dude called Jake. I may have mentioned him once. Or twice.
2. James McAvoy. Teh accent.
3. Jonsi Birgisson. I know he's gay but he's so fudging adorable I want to adopt him.
4. Robert Pattinson. He's awfully purdy. 'Tis a crying shame he can't act.
5. That one guy who was in that one episode of Doctor Who with lots of Daleks in it and we all thought he died and I was pissed at the Doctor for letting him get devoured by pigs and for the rest of episode I was left wailing "WHY DID YOU LET FRANK DIE???" but then in Part 2 he wasn't dead and the pigs didn't eat him or anything so I was happy and he's won a BAFTA and everything for some crazy psycho-shit movie he was in but I'm too lazy to google his name right now. Cute, though. Let us now have a gratuitous Italian Vogue photo shoot image.


Aaaah. Andrew Garfield.
Yum. Italian Vogue.

6. Cillian Murphy. Look into his eyes for too long and you will liquidify. Not just liquefy. But liquidify.
7. James Marsden. It's remarkable how he refrained from showing all those teeth while he was on X-Men.

7 People To Tag

Tag yourselves, peasants.

You're Like My Own Personal Brand Of Heroin. Or Not.

Two Twilight posts in less than two months seems like a bit much here, but like all painful inconveniences it's much better to get it over with as quickly as possible. Like having your eyebrows threaded. That hurts. The Bloody Awful Poet laughs at the people who complain about the pain of waxing. She laughs at them.
Rob Pattinson could use some nice traditional Indian threading on the eyebrows as well, come to think of it.
But the BAP digresses. (It's really quite addictive, this business of referring to yourself in the third person).


I have made absolutely no secret about my opinions on Twilight, the novel. It's nice light and somewhat addictive fluff, but apart from that it's utter manure. And I only say that because you've caught me in a good mood and I just thought I'd lay off the expletives for a bit. It's like those sherbet orange sweet things, or keropok (Google it, you Westerners); they taste sort of nice at first, and you know they're bad for you and so you stuff your cake hole full of it, and you keep absent-mindedly chewing and swallowing and popping more into your aforementioned cakehole until a couple of hours later your mouth's all dry and you're thirsty and your gums are all scraped and you wonder why you bothered.
It's like that, Twilight. Instant gratification.

The Good

1. Twilight the movie is NOT Twilight the novel. Therefore we are spared from the inner workings of Bella's disgustingly pathetic mind, her sickening worshipping thoughts about Edward, and so we are given license to actually maybe like her a bit. And I sort of have a bit of a girl crush on Kristen Stewart. It's all The Messengers' fault. Maybe I'll be as composed and hard-assed as her one day.

2. Plot. Not that the movie is any huge improvement or anything. Because it's not. But I at least give the screenwriters some props for introducing the bad guys to us viewers from almost the very beginning, instead of having them pop out of the blue on some random page, like they did in the book. It at least served to give us some tension and break up the Bella-Edward bits, so the whole thing didn't feel like one long-ass show about a couple of hot kids on a date.

3. The Pretty. Behold.


Pretty.



Pretty.

Pretty.


Pretty.

Pretty.
And I'm talking about the car.
Seriously. Even the cars in this movie are hot.



There. See? If there's one thing you can always count on in The Journey Of Life, it's that Twilight will never fail to deliver in the eye candy department.Ever.

The Not-so Good.

Fangirls. I know I'm not one to talk, but the fangirls at the cinema scared me. I am aware that it's not the fault of the movie and that it is merely OH SCREW IT it's all Twilight's fault. I had never seen so many teenage girls congregate in one enclosed indoor space at a particular time, except for school. I was not prepared for the non-stop cheering, giggling and squealing. Nor was I ready for the magnitude of the longing sighs every time Rob Pattinson appeared onscreen, which pretty much ensured a constant warm breeze in theatre 5 the whole two hours we were there. You could smell the estrogen in that room. You could cut through the estrogen in that room with a knife. The estrogen in that room could have turned Dean Winchester gay. And when Rob Pattinson ( may your superior DNA be damned!) showed up in the final scenes wearing a black suit, like so...

I'm quite certain I heard the sound of several dozen ovaries exploding.
It sounds oddly like popcorn being crunched. But there's a very subtle difference. You can trust me on that one.

The Downright Ugly

1.The makeup. Was awful.
I understand that they're vampires and are meant to be pale and icky and all, but the makeup was so obviously....makeup. The first thought that enters your head when you see Edward (or any other member of his Gorgeous family) isn't a breathless "F&%$ he's/she's beautiful" but more like a breathless and somewhat disbelieving "OMG OMG POWDER". And that really isn't the kind of effect you would probably want viewers to have, not after all those hundreds of pages in the books, describing to a tee -and quite nauseatingly,as well- about the blood-sucking freaks' stunning physical endowments. So I BOO at Twilight's makeup department.
BOO!


2. Editing. I don't think I have ever had a bone to pick with a movie's editing before, but Twilight's editing does suck to high heavens. And I'm not alone in saying so. Some of the scenes are cut-and-paste in such a weird, erratic way, almost with no regard to timing or sequence, that it leaves you feeling just slightly bewildered for most of the film. I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, not being a film critic or anything, but you'll know it when you see it. I like to call it the Bella-Was-Here-And-Now-She's-There-And-Not-Here-Anymore-And-We're-Not-Quite-Sure-How-It-Happened-But-Hey-Look-She's-Talking-To-Edward-And-He's-Hot-So-Let's-Just-Watch-Him-And-Not-Think Phenomenon.

3.The dialogue (and the acting, too, I guess) or rather, the way it was delivered. Especially between the two leads, Rob and Kristen. Their lines were exchanged with an almost stiff, formal uncomfortability for most of the film, and it was so painfully unnatural (especially the hospital scene at the beginning, which irked me beyond belief) I wanted to throw something at the bleeding screen. It was almost as though the two of them had never seen or heard two people have a conversation before. The stresses were all wrong, the pauses were too lengthy, the eye contact was terrible, the "uhmms" and"errs" were waaay too deliberate.And don't even get me started on Bella's phone calls to her mother. Goodness. I blame the editing team for that, partially. And Robert Pattinson (bless his soul, because I really do like the guy) gawked and stared and looked so terrified a lot of the time that it really really wasn't sexy anymore. Making Edward gawk, even to me, is something of a travesty.

4. Twilight the movie may not be Twilight the novel, but it's still Twilight.
Which means the same characters. The same story. The same dialogue, a lot of the time. The same ridiculous glittering vampires. And I mean it, literally. The vampires in Twilight glitter. I can never get over the stupidity of that concept. The same things I hated in the book translated to a giant screen.
And I had to pay for my own ticket.

5. I had to pay for my own ticket.

The Flipside.

1. You get to ogle at a LOT of Pretty. And I got a free Coke. It's all about appreciating the little things.

2. And a bunch of kids on Youtube may just decide to film an awesometastic four-minute spoof of Twilight (which I would have gladly paid to watch in a cinema). Like this;




I'm not a big fan of the slapstick genre of humour, but that crashing into the screen door thing cracks me up like the shyzz.

I Have Returned. Here, Have An Eargasm. Or Six.

I've been gone for quite a while, if you've noticed. I'm quite sure you people haven't missed me one jot, but like I always say; dig into your inner hypocrites and pretend you did, darnits.
Anywho, I need to get this Eargasm business sorted out, because I am disgustingly late. And it doesn't matter that I have to type on my lap, or that this computer screen makes me feel like I have the eyesight of a diabetic 75 year-old, and all my music files have been erased by a mean-ass virus, I'm going to do this anyway. So onwards.

For those not in the know, the Eargasm Mix is part of Splotchy's Green Monkey Music Project, hosted this time around by the awesomest Canadian I know, the Bad Tempered Zombie. Participants were asked to submit a list of 6 songs that gave them an auditory orgasm, "songs that have those perfect little auditory moments, those all too brief seconds that give you a thrill and transport you somewhere utterly sublime' and we also have the option of posting an explanation of sorts, as to why we chose the songs we did. And I have completely forgot what songs I picked, so give me two secs while I head on over to Splotchy's home base and refresh my atrocious memory. And I'm not much of a music journalist either, so.
Oh and all my music files have been deleted by the Big Bad Virus, so I won't be able to pinpoint the exact minute-and-second in the song during which the eargasm occurs.

1. (Antichrist Television Blues) by Arcade Fire

You know a song is eargasmic when the band has to put the title in brackets, as if to contain its enormous magnitude of eargasmicness from being unleashed upon the world and destroying entire civilizations. Word. I believe somebody else also picked this very song for their list, and I'm very curious to see if we both chose it for the same reasons.
Because it has Eargasm-Containing Brackets.
Well, no.
I'm not sure if this is cheating, but (Antichrist Television Blues) makes it on this list, not because of a particular jolt-giving auditory moment, as the project rules suggested, but for the way the song ends. The absence of any audio, in other words. Arcade Fire, besides being rather a kick-ass band, have quite nearly mastered the art of ending a song Dramatically. Not dramatically, but Dramatically. This song ends on an eargasm. The ending of this song, to use Grace's word, is KERPOWEY. Or KERSPASHY. I'm not quite sure how she put it. It's like one huge 3 minute and some seconds-long wait as the whole thing builds up to the final note. Or the very moment the final note ends. Mainly because it cuts off at a such an odd point, where you're still expecting a few more lines, and then The Dramatic Eargasmic Ending proceeds to blow your mind. In a very mind-blowing manner.

2. Svo Hljott by Sigur ros

If there's a band out there capable of even more eargasmicness than Arcade Fire itself, it's these guys. Svo Hljott, or So Quietly, if you prefer the English, is about 9 minutes long, and like everything else this band have ever created, is gorgeous beyond all reason (which reminds me; my next post is going to be a review of Twilight, the movie). The magic happens at around 4:20. Prior to this it's all Jonsi's heavenly voice and heavenly guitars and a generally heavenly, if somewhat angsty, atmosphere. Then the drums come in, the famous cello-guitar (a ceetar?) and and it all builds and builds and builds and builds and builds up to a point where yours truly is crawling around on the floor gasping and demanding a respirator. And it keeps going right up to the end, it does. Those skinny Icelandicers are quite merciless once they know they've got you hooked.
Also, the very first time I heard this song, I cried. And me, I don't cry. Ever. And if that's not an Eargasm, or any other kind of Gasm, I don't know what is.


3. Teardrop by José Gonzales


Originally by Massive Attack (you know, the freaky-ass video with the singing foetus) I never quite liked this song very much until I heard Jose's version of it. It was one of those rare moments for me, when a cover blows the original right out of the proverbial water. Once again, I cheat a little. There's no specific moment of eargasm. It's one long, mellow, slow, drawn-out eargasm. It stunned me, and it still does, how Mr. Gonzales can make his voice and a couple of acoustic guitars sound like a bleeding 254-piece orchestra (if a 254-piece orchestra exists). The sound is so fudging rich and it seems to fill up all the ventricles in my heart with sweet jangly acoustic Scandinavian goodness. I also have a thing for songs where a bunch of the same lines are just repeated over and over again. I suppose it comforts me or something. And the fact that I can't listen to it at the moment is absolutely carving me up from the inside out. *le sigh*

4.Cold Days From The Birdhouse by The Twilight Sad

A few things you should know:
a. I adore the Scottish accent.
b. I mean, I really really adore the Scottish accent.
c. I have been told on several occasions that I will never be happy until I acquire a Scottish boyfriend to call my own. Preferably one named McAllister.
d. The Twilight Sad is a Scottish band.
e. When the lead singer sings lead, he does not lose his accent. At all. It remains thick, as thick as my hair gets when I haven't trimmed it in 4 months.
f. I like Scottish accents.


You see where I'm going here?
No, to be fair, The Twilight Sad is an excellent band, and Cold Days From The Birdhouse is an unbelievable song of gorgeous eargasmic proportions. It's just that I get quite a rush when he starts singing "And this is where yer arm can't go" and "Where are yer manners?" and he rolls all his Rs and I get tingly and lie back and dream of Glasgow. In which case I could have picked pretty much any song of theirs and called it an Eargasm. But for the sake of nostalgia I've put in the very first Twilight Sad song I ever heard. And don't let me superficialityness stop you from appreciating what is truly an amazing song.


5. Untitled #8 by Sigur ros

Sigur ros can do Eargasms like no other. They live for it, and so do their fans. Untitled #8 starts off all lovely and acoustic, which I like. But my favourite part is when about halfway through when you can only hear the bass and the strange whooshy drums and Jonsi doing his "eeeeiaaiiooooooeeeee" wailing. And the drums get whooshier and the bass gets bassier and Jonsi's wailing gets wailer and it is all so Genius in such a Ridiculously Genius way that I want to go find a nice empty piece of wall and bang my head against it.
Also, Untitled #8 is from the band's third album called (). Yes. That's right. The album is called (). They don't need a title, just a pair of brackets to contain the Awesome Eargasmicness of every. Single. Track. On. That. Album. (). HA! Tell Arcade Fire to call me back when they've made an entire album that needs to have its Eargasmicness contained in brackets!()! ()! ()!


6. How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead


I really like it when Radiohead goes mellow. I like it a lot. That's when you get to hear Thom's voice in all it's proper glory. And I have mentioned before that I particularly enjoy having a set of lyrics repeated over and over. Thom's voice. Repetitive lyrics. Weirdish guitars. Eargasm. Happy BAP. Like so: =D


There you have it, my choices for this edition of the Green Monkey Music Project and why I picked them. I must say it's been mighty fun playing along for the first time! Thanks a whole lot to the Zombie for letting me join in the party, and for coming up with such a kick-ass idea for a playlist, as well as to Splotchy for being so generally awethum. You can download my 6 songs here, if you like, and check out everyone else's contributions here.

"Eat Your Brain? Claire, That's Disgusting."

Warning:Viewers in Asia may consider staying away from the spoilery spoileriness. Viewers in North America and Canada (or Asian pirates -which would make up pretty much 95% of the continent's population) are warned against telling me anything related to season 3 of Heroes that I would not possibly want to know, or else, in the words of Tracy Strauss, "I will hunt your ass(es) down and destroy you".

That's right. Pose, beautiful people. Pose.

Thinky Thoughts Regarding The Season Premiere Of The Second Greatest Show On TV. Ever.

1. I'm Getting Seriously Tired of The Character-From-Future-Interferes-With-Present-Timeline Gimmick.

Really. So Peter From The Future shoots his Present Brother Nathan, which didn't really come as a surprise to me (because I'm smart and I had every conceivable possible identity of Nathan Petrelli's assassin figured out months ago) but I was really hoping the writers wouldn't go down that well-worn path again. You want to know how to surprise us, Heroes Writer People? Make it obvious and as uncomplicated as possible. Because we fans never think of the obvious and uncomplicated. You have conditioned us to the point of making thought processes harder for ourselves. You've already won! So ditch all the confusicatingness of of timelines mixing with each other and you run less risk of messing up with the plotlines of future seasons. Listen to me, Heroes Writer People.
Also if Future Peter returned to our time to off Nathan because his Future sucks and all that, so he has to change it, and now by shooting Nathan he appears to have fixed it, then shouldn't this particular bitter-and-scarred version of Future Peter not exist anymore? What is the deal? And he's posing as Present Peter while Present Peter is stuck in some fat-guy-named-Jesse's body, which begs the question; where is darling Peter's Present body and fat-guy-named-Jesse's soul or consciousness or whatchamaycallit? They can't all be stuck in one body, can they? Oh damn, you, Show.

Also, Peter Petrelli. It only hit me last week; sure the boy's pretty and everything (everybody should now say a silent prayer in honour of the wonderfulness of Milo Ventimiglia's DNA) but he is also virtually indestructible. For Sylar's sake, the dude BLEW HIMSELF UP. Nuclearly. And he lived. But apparently he also scars. How can he have a scar if he has Claire's power of instant healing? He's meant to be practically divine, see? If the scar is only there to make him look sexier, well. I'm not exactly complaining.. You know I only nitpick because I love you, Show.


2. Mohinder Suresh's Ever Evolving Levels Of Stupidity

The man's as dumb as he ever was. Please, I beg the people who have already seen the entire season, let me know if the ass dies. But don't tell me who/what kills him. I want that satisfaction at the very least. And now he has a lovely ditzy girlfriend to make out with! And they can perpetuate the species with their own special breed of Stupid-Beyond-All-Reason-Spawn!
DIE, Suresh.
DIE.


3.One Word; Sylar.

Oh darling Sylar. What would this show ever be without you and your ego and your cheesy villain dialogue and the mysterious things you do with people's brains. Literally.


Which begs another question- he used Claire's brain for his own fell purposes and then stuck it back in her skull so she could just heal herself and stuff-because she cannot die, see- so what happened to all the other brains he used? Every corpse that was found from season one onwards had the head sliced open but the brain missing. So what does Sylar do with them? (Brainshakes!)
And if Mamma Petrelli isn't lying, and if she truly is his mother (because she's a very shady and morally ambiguous old lady-which makes her Awesome- but you really have no idea what she may have got up to over the years. Heck we don't even know what her power is), and she isn't simply saying such things for vile psychological reasons, then it only goes to prove that the entire Petrelli family is simply Gorgeous Beyond All Reason. Amen.

Ignore that really tall dude on the left. He is awesome in his own special way. Just not in a I'm-A-Petrelli-Therefore-I-Am-Hawt-Beyond-All-Mortal-Comprehension way.


4. No More! No More!

How many Niki/Jessica slutalikes are running around out there? What are these things, triplets? No more, I say! No more! There are way too many other characters to be keeping tabs on without introducing more Ali Larter clones every now and then.

Oh HAI Pete! How on earth did you get in there?

The scar. The scar. The factual inappropriateness of the scar is bugging me. I already have to live without the Emo Hair, now this. Tsk.


5. Hiro and Ando


I had no idea how much I missed these two until the "You didn't look behind the Mona Lisa??" exchange. I swear, if anything, anything at all happens to tear these two apart in any conceivable way, I'll hunt down the Heroes Show-Making Peoples' asses and and..destroy them. Theirs is an Epic Bromance which no Hollywood studio can deny, dammit! The love, you cannot be blind to the LOVE! The whole Ando-Is-Evil thing had better work itself out to a nice mushy sticky-sweet ending.

And finally,

6. Just Because I Feel Like It.

Oh Milo. You're a heck of a lot prettier than I am or will ever be, did you know that?
And it makes me happy to look at pictures of you from the days when Hayden Panatierre-Or-However-You-May-Spell-It was still too young to know how to spell your name. Or make out with you.

I May Lose Some Bloggie Friends Here, So Please Help Me God If You're Really There And Then We Can All Try And Keep The Hate At A Bare Minimum.

Before I go on with this review I'd to extend my heartfelt apologies to International Mastermind, Random Irregular, and Irregular Kiki. These three ladies have been trying to get me to read Twilight for months now, and it pains me that I must be harsh. So please please please don't hate me for being honest! I love you guys! I do I do. I love you like I love Jensen Ackles and chocolate fudge ice-cream. Together or separately, doesn't matter. Now, on with it.

The Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer has long been touted as the "replacement" for the Magnificence that was Harry Potter, and I got sick of people telling me how wonderful Twilight is, so I went out of my way to borrow a copy from a friend, who passed it to me in an orange paper bag with very strict instructions as to how exactly I was supposed to hold the book and turn the pages ( which I did not mind one bit, since I torture others with the exact same instructions anyway). I read it in three sittings, and I have decided to review it in parts, as I usually do.


What Its Basically About
Bella Swan (Seriously. Bella Swan?? That's what you name your heroine? I realize I spent nigh on a decade following another fantasy series where characters had names like Dedalus Diggle and Nearly Headless Nick , but Bella Swan, in my humble opinion, is kinda pushing it. )
So anyway, Bella moves from Phoenix to a little rainy town called Forks, in Washington (of her own accord, may I point out) to live with her father, so her mom will be happier with her new squeeze. And to cut a long, long story short, at her new high school she catches the eye of like, the gorgeousest boy ever, and then she falls in love with him, and then she finds out he's like, really weird because he's like, totally a vampire, and he (Edward) finds the scent of her blood almost insanely unbearable but he controls himself because he loves her and doesn't want to hurt her, but then a bunch of not-so-good vampires (unlike Edward and his Gorgeous-Beyond-All-Reason family, who only drink animal blood) who totally want Bella's blood and it's up to Edward and His Gorgeous-Beyond-All-Reason family to save her.
That's what pretty much happens, except that for at least the first 300 pages we are treated to a mixture of over saturated teen angst and overly-disgusting teenage love. Seriously. Almost 300 pages full of Bella waiting and waiting to see if Edward will show up at lunch, or to 6th period Biology and I, of all people, understand obsessions, but this is just pathetic. Mainly because I don't really like Bella.

What I Didn't Like About Twilight

*Bella Swan
Never before have I come across a heroine who is so bland and so disgustingly drownd-ded in her own little obsession. She has virtually no personality, and her only positive trait seems to be the fact that she can make a mean lasagna and smells nice after a shower ( which I do too. So there). She arrives at her new school all sour and depressed and quite determined not to make friends, and then whines about how nobody seems to really want to talk to her. She moves to Forks of her own accord, mind you, and then goes abouts being all glum and oh-I'm-so-bored. Freaking martyr. And if her clumsiness and klutzy behaviour (banging into furniture, passing out frequently, etc) is supposed to be cute or endearing, well then, cute and endearing my *insert not-so-polite-word-here*. And screw the fact that Wuthering Heights is one of her favourite books. The fact was only mentioned in passing, and we only see her reading it once, almost like the author simply wanted to let us know that her heroine reads classic literature and therefore must be excessively intelligent. She's smart? That's nice. She's not funny. She's not particularly kind or generous. Everything nice she ever does for her family is tinged-no, soaked- in buckets of martyrdom. Her devotion to Edward is nauseating. I wouldn't even call it devotion, really. It must be some kind of classified mental disease. I mean, the guy's been breaking into her room every night for weeks to watch her sleeping and she finds that not only acceptable but also romantic? Can you say ICK? Dude. Bella. Really. Reading the story through her eyes makes me feel suicidal for the fact that her character even exists, and that millions of teenage girls see her, of all possible fictional characters, as a role model or one they can connect to (Hermione Granger! Hermione Granger dammit!). And I truly am sorry for being so harsh (especially to I.Mastermind and the Irregulars) but Bella just makes me so..so..so.........angry.


*The relationship between Bella and Edward.
I like Edward. I really do. Look beyond his Gorgeous-Beyond-All-Reasonness and he's actually a pretty nice guy. I feel bad for him actually. He's the one who has to constantly resist the lure of Bella's blood, and has to utilize every inch of his willpower to keep her safe from himself. And Bella, blockhead that she is, has no fear or concern at all for her own safety or even for Edward's own internal struggle. She continues to hang around him, letting him do all the abstinence-ing and self-controlling. Selfish *insert-you-know-what-word-here*. It's a totally unhealthy and unbalanced relationship, when Edward is the only one who has to take full responsibility of both their lives and safety and well-being. Sometimes I feel like clobbering him on the head for being such a doting fool. Why can't he go find some hot vampire chick somwhere, eh?
Another thing is the fact that you have virtually no idea why they're so deeply in love in the first place. Edward's reasons, if we ever get to find out, may be a little less superficial than Bella's. But in her case, the only impression I seem to get is that she's mad for him because he's so, well, gorgeous. Practically every single page is littered with descriptions of Edward's beauty. Sweet, honeyed, icky, worshipping descriptions of his lavender eyelids, or the perfect marble curve of his throat, or his impeccably sculpted lips. And you pretty much lose count of the number of times Bella had her stupid breath taken away by the sunlight's glow on his eyelashes or the way the lights in the Biology lab set off the contours of his nostrils or whatever. On. Every. Single. Blessed. Page. There were some that had me quite literally laughing out loud in disbelief, and thinking that what a shame it is that trees had to die in order to have this stack of ICKiness printed by the millions.
So why are they in love?
Because Edward's gorgeous.
Seriously, Ms. Meyer. Stop bloody objectifying your own male characters.


*Plot
Or the lack of it. After the first two points I think it's safe to say that pretty much nothing happens. Nothing that got this reader even mildly tense or interested anyway. In fact, I was kinda hoping somebody would just off Bella.

*The fact that this series actually exists.
Enuff said.


What I Actually Did Like About Twilight.

*Jasper Cullen
Jasper strikes me as being probably the Gorgeousest of his entire Gorgeous-Beyond-All-Reason blood-drinking family. And that's saying something since I have no clue as to what he's supposed to look like in the movies. He's the most interesting person in the entire book, mainly because he speaks the least and spends the rest of the time skulking in the background. I have a thing for characters who don't talk much and skulk in backgrounds. His special power is being able to control emotions, which makes me want to see him on Heroes really badly, because that would just kick ass. Being quite a recent vampire initiate, Jasper still has only minimum control over his vampirish urges, which makes him far more interesting because of the unpredictable, uhm, danger element. The boy seriously has no leash on him. And if anybody is likely to drain all the stinking blood out of Bella's icky body, it's Jasper. And if I ever pick up another book from Twilight series to read, it will only be to discover Jasper's fate and/or how he evolves. (Pleasedon'tdiepleasedon'tdiepleasedon'tiepleasedon'tdiepleasedon'tdiepleasedon'tdie)

*Twilight. The movie.

Look at all them pretty pretty peoples! Can somebody tell me which one Jasper is? I'm too lazy to Google. Oh wait. Sorry. They all come with labels. Oooooooo.....
Also I really liked Kristin Stewart in that other movie she was in, and maybe, just maybe, she could redeem Bella Swan just a little bit in my eyes.


The Verdict
Books me no likey.
Movie? I'm up for it. I can forgive almost anything if you stick an entire cast of gorgeous young people under my nose.
And more apologies to the Mastermind, the Random and the Kiki. Please girls, minimum hate! Please! I love you! Jensen and fudge! Just like I said earlier. Remember?

(A special shout-out to the BadTempered Zombie for presenting me with the awesome honour of a Superior Scribbler award! I shall blog about that next time, and present said Superior Scribbler Award to 5 of my own bloggie friends then. You want this award, you be nice to me. Start sucking up. Like, right now.)

On This Day, 18 Years Ago, The Awesomeness Quotient Of The Universe Increased Significantly.

Because I got borned.

And here is a birthday meme of sorts to celebrate the birth of my awesomeness.

Look up your birthday in Wikipedia. Pick 4 events, 3 births, 2 deaths, and 1 holiday.

Events

1. 1938- The Archbishop of Dubuque, Francis J. L. Beckman, denounces Swing music as "a degenerated musical system... turned loose to gnaw away at the moral fiber of young people", warning that it leads down a "primrose path to hell.
(I don't know why I put that in. It just struck me as being somewhat amusing. I am amused. Hear me LOL.)

2. 1875- The first performance of the Piano Concerto No. 1 by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky is given in Boston, Massachusetts with Hans von Bülow as soloist.

3. 2001 - Windows XP first became available. (Because that's important, you know)

4. 1147 - Seljuk Turks defeat German crusaders under Conrad III at the Battle of Dorylaeum.

Births
1. 1825 - Johann Strauss II, Austrian composer. (Oh that is just way too freaking cool, man)

2. 1957- Nancy Cartwright, American actress. ( BART! Bart Simpson! Oh the awesomeness!).

3. 1915 - Ivan M. Niven, Canadian mathematician.


Deaths
1. 2002 - Richard Harris, Irish actor.

2. 2004 - John Peel, British disc jockey.

You see? Even the people who die on my birthday are awesome.

Holiday

Romania - Day of the Romanian Army.


I'm just gonna hang around and uh, be 18, I suppose. You people stay awesome as well.

My Life Must Be In A Pretty Sad Place When The Happiness Of My Soul Depends So Much Upon A TV Show.

But I don't really care. I'm deprived, I'm suffering from delayed withdrawal symptoms (which include perking up suddenly everytime the name 'Jensen' appears on a TV screen) and I need new episodes of Supernatural now. I understand the whole deal with the writers' strike and all (and I lyurve them writers, I do) but one year really is too long to make a girl wait.


Things I Miss About Supernatural.

1. Teh pretty.


I watch this show for the intricate plot, the intelligent dialogue, and the smart references to actual legends and mythology, and also for the philosophical thinky thoughts it makes me think about.
Really.
I do.
Really. Sheesh.

2. The 1967 Chevy Impala.


The only car in existence I can name by year, model and make. Sexiest piece of machinery on the idiot box. If the Impala died, I would cry.

3. Teh Pretty + The 1967 Chevy Impala = Short term superficial gratuitous joy for the fangirl's soul

All right I admit it. Quite a large part of the reason I actually watch Supernatural is for the excessive levels of pretty on the show. The magnitude of Sexy is just too much for its own good. Even the clothes the two boys wear are sexy. And if I told you that I would still watch it if any two other even mildly less good-looking people were cast in the plum roles of the brothers Winchester, then I would be a lying liar who lies.


4. Dean Winchester

One of my favourite fictional characters of all times. Times, with an s, mind. The man is a fangirl's fantasy come true. He's all cocky bad-ass-porn-watching-mullet rock-listening-face-stuffing-demon-hunting-women-objectifying-devoted-son-big-brother-and-all-round-kick-asser. He can stuff so much food in his piehole he looks like he may tear his face in half. He is a manly man who shoots guns and says no to chick flicks and says "Dude!" a lot, and hides all his pain deep deep inside where nobody can see it, and when he really really has to cry all you get to see is one teeny itty bitty teardrop, because his dad messed him up so bad (screw you, Papa Winchester!) and made him go all psychologically repressive, and despite his macho and cocksure arrogance and tough-guy persona he has heartbreakingly low levels of self-esteem and painful insecurities, especially about his family leaving him when they no longer need his bad-ass protection, and the struggle he goes through in holding up that mask he uses to hide the fact that he does indeed feel emotion, probably more acutely than most people. Oh Dean. How you hide your raw and vulnerable need for affection. The fangirls' collective hearts bleed for thee! He's just like those M&Ms he enjoys so much; hard shell on the outside, soft and squishy on the inside. Fangirls go "Awww!" and want to pat him on the head and feed him chicken soup and give him huggies. Well, no. Actually we want to rip his clothes off, throw him up against a wall and bang his lights out.
But we'll totally follow up with soup and cuddles. Promise.
Also the fact that Jensen Ackles is pretty much the hottest dude on TV doesn't really hurt that much.

5. Dean-isms.

I love writers. I really really do. However allegedly mediocre this show may be, the one-liners are absolutely killer. The specialty among these are of course, the classic Dean-isms. Things only Dean Winchester would ever think of saying, and only Dean Winchester could ever get away with.


Selected Dean-isms:

*Dude, you fugly.
*What's in the booooooooooooox?
* Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.
* I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it!!
*Well, I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.
*Because I'm the oldest which means I'm always right (and I can totally vouch for that, dude).
*Neil!? It's your grief counsellors. We've come to...hug...

And my personal favourite

* Bite your tongue, heathen.



6. Leather jackets, brass amulets, and silver promise rings.

GUH.

I'm sorry. I know I was about to say something really intelligent but uh--.

What?


7. Brotherly love.


Not since Nathan and Peter Petrelli has televisionland ever seen such overflowing amounts of brotherly affection. It's somehow a lot more touching than romantic love, mainly because it just does something to my emo parts to see a dude willing to have himself killed for the sake of his baby brother's safety. ( We are referring to Dean in this case, of course. I kind of like him, if I haven't made it clear yet). It's like a little ray of wibbly sunshine, when you know everything in the show will be all right despite the selling-the-soul-to-Hell and the apocalypse-Apocalypse because epic bromantic BROTHERLY LOVE trumps all, dammit! Including death!

8. The gun that kills everything.

It's very convenient indeed to have a gun that pretty much kills every known supernatural being with just a bullet. But the lameness of this can be readily excused, because like everything else on this show, the Colt .45 gun is made of pure, undeniable Sexy. Also, Dean is the one who gets to shoot it all the time, which only adds to the general quotient of Sexy.


9. The throwback to the X-Files.

Not since the demise of The X-files ( rest in peace, O Greatest Show In History Of Teevee) has there been a show that deals with freaky supernatural-ish stuff as its main theme. There have been a slew of law dramas, a whole host of medical tear-jerkers, an obscene number of CSIs (seriously, enough already) but never anything quite resembling ye olde kick-ass team of Mulder and Scully Ltd. And sure, Mulder and Scully were never even half as sexy as the brothers Winchester, they didn't have leather jackets, a provocative car or the gun that killed everything (see No.8). And neither Sam nor Dean have red hair, and they never made out in the shower room-thing-place. Ew. But I find myself washing in waves of nostalgia everytime Supernatural comes on. Nothing man can create will ever come close to The Files of X, but Supernatural is a pretty decent effort, all in all.
Also, those boys are reeelly reeelly purty.

10. The abundance of Fire.

There is plenty of fire in this show. I mean like, freaking loads. In the opening title card, every-freaking-where. And fire is Sexy.
Also note that while fire may be pretty hot, Dean Winchester is hotter.
Just something you should know.


11. Unabashed Lameness.

Yes, this show can be really really lame sometimes. I've mentioned the infuriating inconsistencies, the plot holes you can stick your noggin through and the occasional plain ridiculousness of the liberties the writers take with modifying actual mythology to suit their means. But what makes me forgive the makers of this here show is the fact they seem aware of their own lameness when they're guilty of it. They don't take themselves too seriously. They don't insult my intelligence. And above all, it's a show that doesn't pretend to be anything more than it is. It's one hour a week of two gorgeous boys kicking demon-ass (and if you're lucky, one of them may decide that it's very necessary for him to remove his shirt, for whatever reason), and it's fun and I enjoy it for what it is and it's a terrific form of escapism. I love other shows too, but sometimes they just get a little too high-brow and intelligent for me;Heroes and its long-winded philosophical monologues, and House, where most of the time everybody sits around and psychoanalyses House so we can all marvel at what a twisted, complex and fascinating character he is, and thus admire him (I do love the House, though). And in any case, no matter how stupidly lame an episode of Supernatural gets, there is always a kickasstastic gold-standard Dean-ism (see No.5) thrown in to redeem it.

12. The evil supernatural thingies that go around harming people and being well, supernatural, so that the brothers Winchester have to show up and have to try and get rid of it and they usually get all hot/sweaty/greasy/bloody/dirty/shirtless in the process and it all just adds to Teh Pretty (see No.1) quotient.


I watch this show for the plot. I told you.

13. The Winchesters' apparent inability to ever die or get hurt. In the long term.

Members of the Familia Winchester are bruise-proof, crippling-long-term-injury-proof, and scar-proof. You'd think that after all the pummelling, scratching, punching, stabbing, knife-wielding, gun-shooting battle royales the pair get into (some of those scuffles did not necessarily invove demons), that the brudders Winchester would have some permanent war tattoos to show for it all. But nay my good people; with every new episode the dynamic duo appear smooth-faced, clean-shaven, with pretty hair and pretty skin, nary a spot nor a blemish to mar their gorgeous features. 'Tis only proof of how very biologically superior the brothers Winchester are compared to us lowly easily-blue-blacked mortals. Also, the brothers Winchester can never die. Well not exactly- they can actually kick the bucket more times than regular people can. It has stuff to do with a constant cycle of one brother selling his soul to Hell to save the other which will take too long to explain. Suffice to say that each of the brothers Winchester has been killed off and then resurrected at least once (multiple times in Dean's case). At this stage, the only thing that could ever really drive the fangirls into a suicidal frenzy is if Dean had all his hair shaved off. He'd still look hot, mind you.


I'll stop there. Thirteen is such a lovely number for this post, no?

Weeds and Memes, They Grow On My Blog.

For the sake of a fresh post, I'll do anything. The BAP is all dried up thanks to exams coming up very soon. Onwards with the never-ending tagging!

The Very Edited Meme From Grace

Today did you..
Talk to someone you like: No. Well, my mom. I don't like her, though. I lyurve her. But I suppose you need to like someone in order to love them. My mom, then.

Kissed anyone: only the back of my hand. Ha! (I ditto, Grace)

Get sick: Only when I think of all the textbooks I have to swallow by next Tuesday.

Talk to an ex: Nope. If I had one, I probably wouldn't have, either.

Miss someone: Many someones, yeah.

Eat: I forgot to eat my lunch. It's become a worrying habit, this whole forgetting-to-eat-lunch business. It's never any other meal. Just lunch.

Kick a llama: Yeah, I did actually! On my way to school. I saw one by the side of the road and gave it a good smack upside the arse.

Drink asparagus juice: EW no.

Talk to a hot German boy: No, but I have dreamed of it. German footballers are quite especially hot.

Pay attention in lectures: Yes. No. Yes. I don't remember.

Meet the man of your dreams and end up finding out he likes your best friend instead and stabbed him with a spork till he bled and stained your shoes and made you cry: Darnit! That would have made my day a whole heck of a lot more interesting. Hey what's a spork ey?

Is there a person who is on your mind now: only the guy of my dreams who likes my best friend instead and so I stabbed him with a spork until he bled and stained my shoes and then I cried. But I didn't really mind because my shoes are black canvas, so you can't really tell.

Do you want children: I want Jensen Ackles' babies. Can that be arranged?

Do you like your hand-writing:Excessively. I always take the time to admire it after I finish an essay or something.

Are your toe nails painted: Uh huh. A combination of purple and silver. I'm a coward, so the only way I rebel in public is by wearing somewhat outrageous toenail polish. I know! I'm a wild thang!

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: OOoh. Do you want the whole list? Because I totally have time, you know.

When did you cry last: I forgot.

Are you a friendly person: On the Internet, I am. Meet me in real life and I'm a stinking snob. Really.

Where is the person you have feelings for right now: Beats me. Making love to his wife, I guess. Ick.

Have you ever crawled through a window: The windows are about ten feet up the wall, so first I'd have to climb up there, and then I'd find grilles. So no. No window climbing.

Can you handle the truth: I saw that movie too! Was it not awesome?

Who was the last person you cried in front of: Myself. Although technically I wasn't crying in front of a mirror or anything, so.

Do you eat healthy: Define healthy.

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex: Absolutely. I take it out and stare at it and show people and act all obsessive and then they get scared and leave.

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: Yes. Usually I get pissed when someone says mean stuff to me, but it's a genetic fallibility of mine that my temper is wired straight to my tear ducts. I get angry, I cry. It's annoying, and embarassing. And it makes me forget all the bad words I want to say.

Are you loud or quiet most of the time: in this head, i am loud. ( Ditto, Grace)

Are you confident:In this head, I am

And let's 'ave another one shall we?

the rules:
List 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 surprising facts, & then tag 3 others.

3 Joys.
1. Grace got me a boombox t-shirt for my birthday, which I have not seen yet, but is bound to be awesome.
2. Heroes season 3 hath returned to the screens-eth of my idiot box. Eth.
3. I spent all afternoon reading fan fiction, which is lame. But it brought me joy. Of a very lame kind.

3 Fears
1. That AXN will never ever ever show season 3 of Supernatural. Ever. The thought of it, it paralyses my mind and my bowels.
2. That I will fail my exams in a very spectacular manner.
3. That I will run out of ink halfway through my macro economics paper. Oh my kingdom for a pen with INK!

3 current obsessions
1. Jensen Ackles. Or should I say, Dean Winchester? GUH.
2. Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah. I play it over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. Before school. After school. At meals. When I watch TV. My parents are concerned.
3. Doodling. I doodle more than ever these days. It's like the doodling phase of my late adolescence.

3 surprising facts. Be surprised. And if you're not, then just dig into your inner hypocrite and fake it, dammit.
1. I have not mentioned you-know-who (*ahem ahem*) one single time in this entire post.
2. I type only with two fingers at a time. And I'm fast, you hear?
3. I'm eating tuna sandwiches right now. And typing. With two fingers. And still not mentioning you-know-who's name.

3 people to tag.
Tag yourselves, folks.

So, What Happened Was, Jake Walked Into My Living Room Without A Shirt On...

Sorry. That really wasn't going anywhere. But behold good people! My Internet is back! My utter awesomeness has returned! I bet you're all relieved as hell right now, but you can stop your candlelight vigils and stuff. And if you never cared that my bloggy self was nearly wiped out of cyber existence, you can just dig into your inner hypocrites right now and pretend that you were devastated beyond mortal comprehension.

Now that I'm back, after a rather emotionally gruelling week, it is only natural that I return to the King Of All Distractions and Stress-Relievers, Jake. I'm really really really sorry about the way I keep forcing this guy down your throat, honestly. But this is something I need to do. For my own well-being, and all that jazz.

Today's post was inspired by my usually lovely brother, who quite plainly demanded to know why the hell I like Jake so much. So I present to you, my good people of Blogworld;

Why The Hell BAP Likes Jake So Much

1. The boy is hot.



He just is, ok? I mean, physically, he is PHWOARR, as Micheal Parkinson would say. I realize that looks are only superficial, and that he himself did absolutely nothing to warrant such gorgeousness. But admit it; it doesn't hurt. However, as my mother pointed out, he does have a bit of a lousy nose, but his purdy eyes more than make up for any of his nasal shortcomings. All of his features, perhaps individually unremarkable, combine to create a truly stunning whole that constantly reaffirms your faith in the power of human biology. Mr. Daddy and Mrs. Mommy Gyllenhaal, I, along with all the other obsessive women on the planet can never ever conceivably thank you enough for taking the initiative to shack up and make a boy. Our eternal gratitude rests upon your heads, O Creators Of The Most Glorious Man To Ever Grace The Surface Of This Little Blue Thing I Like To Call Earth. And I tell you, I tried leaving Jake's genetic endowments out of the equation but dammit he's just so pretty.

2. He looks good in a hoodie.

3. He looks good in a tux.

4. He looks good nekked. (Oh my how superficial am I?)

5. He looks good in those ugly Robert Graysmith shirts.

6. He has a sensational sense of humour.





This is the guy who quite literally had me choking on my lunch both times he was on Ellen. Deadpan sarcasm is typically more my thing (think Hugh Laurie), but Jake "Gooberballs" Gyllenhaal's brand of impossibly goofy, self-deprecating yet surprisingly intelligent humour is simply the cutest thing ever. He's completely spontaneous and utterly unafraid to make a fool of himself (qualities I envy, because I am extremely averse to doing or being both). And don't even get me started on his SNL hosting gig. I have yet to see the whole thing, but I bet you it's the most awesomest moment in the entire fur-reeking history of modern pop culture. And don't you dare tell me otherwise.

7. The strange and wonderful phenemenon known only as the Gyllenbabble.

Jake has the rather endearing but also somewhat annoying habit of speaking in circles, knots, and wobbly parallelograms. He uses sentence construction and word combinations that very few other mortals have the ability to comprehend.

"He’s filming the murders exactly inch by inch, literally how it happened and where the bodies were, and how they moved, and all those things, so it’s based in a real reality, things that really happened..." - Jake 'Really' Gyllenhaal.

"You should record my voice really fast so that you can slow it down and I can sound really weird." ( Yes Jake, because that is the only way you'd ever sound weird. Really.)

8. He has the smarts.

Regardless of his apparent inability to form coherent sentences, the boy actually is pretty smart. Obviously. It would be difficult for me to be attracted to a male, however hot, without some level of respect for his intellectual ability. And Jake has more than enough brain for the both of us. Screw the fact that he's a college dropout; academia is overrated anyway. My mother never went to college and she's one of the most intelligent people I know, even if she has yet to get a clue about what a mouse pad is. Jake reveals his cerebral punch through the roles he picks ( except maybe for that turd of a flick, The Day After Tomorrow) and the in-depth Gyllenbabblish manner in which he analyses the themes and motifs and uhm...stuff. Also, his favourite book ever just happens to be To Kill A Mockingbird. And he adores Rufus Wainwright, to the point of seeming to harbour just a little bit of a man crush. How the heck do you expect me not to love that boy to pieces?? Jake, I mean. Not Rufus. Although he's a sweetheart as well.

9. He's best friends with his sister.


And that is just awesome beyond comprehension. I can only speak for my family, but my own brother seems a lot more sensitive to the feminine point of view compared to many other boys his age. And my awesome guidance in all aspects of his life (except puberty, he's on his own there) will ensure that in say, four years or so, he'll turn out almost as awesome as I am now. The awesomeness of Maggie Gyllenhaal has obviously had the same results on our Jacob. But seriously, those two have what looks to be a truly fantastic relationship, and I don't know why but that just resonates with me. And I don't feel any jealousy or competitiveness with Maggie. At all. To me, impressing her would probably be more important than paying attention to Jake. Gosh, I love my imaginary sister-in-law.

10. He cooks. And he's good at it.


This comes in as a highly attractive trait, mainly because I love food but have no particular fondness for the cooking process. I hate getting potato peel under my nails and having my fingers smell like onion for days. And since he is the chef, the responsibility and burden of shopping and putting the stuff away and cleaning and everything fall to Jake. All I'd have to do is eat. And hasn't it been scientifically proven that women are attracted to men who cook or something? It's like that Jamie Oliver chap. He doesn't exactly look like God's gift to women, but the minute he reaches into the window box to pull out some mint or rosemary or whatever, you just start fan-girling all over the place. Or maybe that's just me.

11. He loves animals and kids.


Which can only be a sign of deep, nurturing and tender nature. A man who is capable of loving and caring for a pet is only demonstrating his expansive capability to focus attention and affection for a living thing other than himself. Also, he named his dogs Atticus and Boo. Which would be like me naming my fish Albus and Severus.

12. He is just a nice guy.

He is totally into politics and human rights and saving the environment and he drives a hybrid and eats organic crap and never uses plastic bags (sure he still chugs down Starbucks like there's no tomorrow but we're all entitled to our little hypocritical vices now and then) and the BAP finds all that rather sexy. He also strikes me as being a genuine sweetheart. Totally not jerk-ish and male chauvinist pig-ish in the slightest.

See? He's perfectly happy to help tourists take some pictures, and is not even bothered that they seem to have no clue who he is! Destined for sainthood, Jake is.

13. He's a flirt.


Which I find absolutely adorable. Take note that it's fine when it's Jake initiating the flirting, not the other way round. When he does it, it's charming, squee-worthy and giggle-inducing. When he does it, his humour and intelligence and wit shine through like the purty rhinestone bling my Literature classmate wears on her jeans all the time. But if it's her trying to get all intimate and filthy with him, that's just skanky. She'd deserve to have her stilettos or whatever driven into her slutty little skull. I remember though, that one time Jakey decided to ignore some poor lady journalist's very serious question, and instead decided to tell her that she looked like a mint chocolate cookie in her blouse and slacks, and how he could just eat her up, mint choc being his favourite flavour of cookie. I'd have hyperventilated and died. But I admire this woman's composure and professionalism. She had the decency not to hyperventilate and die, neither did she jump on him and try to rip his clothes off. I should make her and Honorary Member of the BAP Gyllensessiveness Society, for displaying admirable amounts of Respective Restraint. I shudder inside when I imagine the extent of willpower she must be capable of.

14. He was freakin Donnie Darko.


This movie has only served the purpose of making me adore the Jakester more than I believed was humanly possible. He was genius in this. He was brilliant in this. He made me forget he was Jake Gyllenhaal in this. He was so good in this I want to crawl under the couch and bawl my eyes out every time I so much as think about it. He was Donnie to da D, inside, outside, under and through. I really can't stand those heavy award-magnet movies where everybody is impossibly talented and the whole flick has this impeccable air of "Look-At-Us-We're-Acting" and "Behold-Viewers-Our-Incredible-Artistic-Prowess" or "Can-You-Not-Smell-The-Oscars-Already?". An actor that can make you forget he's acting for 133 minutes? That's talent. And I'm not just saying that because it's Jake, mind you.

15. The chances of me ever meeting the guy are about as big as the full stop at the end of this sentence.

And if I never ever met him, that would be just great. Seriously. I mean, I know people like Bawanie are like, oh Jake should read your blog, and he has to meet you ( he does have to, because I am awesome therefore he will love me) but for now I'd rather keep him at a distance. After all the gushing and horny confessions I've made on this blog, and elsewhere....I mean. What in the name of mint chocolate cookies would I say to the man?? It would be mortifying! I know I give the impression that I'd jump on him and rape the living Gyllendaylights out of him if I ever did bump into the boy, but really, I wouldn't. If I ever did run into Jake in Tesco or wherever, I'd probably stand there and stare at him for a bit, and then very composedly walk off into the next aisle (and then stalk him all the way to the cash register). No screams of "OHEMMGEE IT'S FRICKEN JAKE GYLLENHAAL IN FRICKEN AISLE 7 BUYING FRICKEN DOG FOOD!!" or "OHEMMGEE DUDE YOU HAVE TO AUTOGRAPH MY SANDWICH BREAD OR SOMETHING! AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA COME WITH ME AND MEET MY MOM!". Nope. Seriously. None of that. Because in real life I am very very restrained, very very composed, and very very much a chicken. Bottom line is that I don't ever want to meet him. It's not his fault, it's mine. Meeting the real Jake, even for a few seconds, would inititate a system shutdown of sorts. I'd never blog about him again,simply because he'd be too much of an actual human being to be subjected to the kind of treatment he currently receives here on the Bloggeddy Blog Blog. You peeps dig?


16. He's got guts.

Professionally at least. For him to take on roles like Anthony Swofford and Jack Twist shows a level of chutzpah that not many actors of his age group show ( except Ryan Gosling, because Ryan Gosling is Awesome and also my Backup/Second Choice Future Husband. I will be moving to Canada anyway). With his gorgeousness he could have so easily taken the generic teen heartthrob route to stardom, but he didn't. He picked roles that were intense and challenging and controversial and thought-provoking, any of which could have ended up screwing his career before it even started. And for that I give Jacob true and sincere props.

17. He's a multitasker.

Have you seen the number of pictures out there that show Jake multi-tasking? Drinking coffee and carrying the shopping at the same time! Drinking coffee and walking at the same time! Looking gorgeous, drinking coffee and crossing the road, at the same time! And my personal favourite; having lunch and ignoring Lindsay Lohan over at the other table -yep you guessed it- at the same bloody time!

18. He sucks at math.

That's it! Jake and I are officially soul mates.

19. He looks good soaking wet.


There is a reason why every director in every movie Jake has ever done has tried to incorporate at least one shower scene into the film. Or have his character get caught in the rain. Or make him almost drown in a New York City subway. There is a reason why professional photographers take so much glee in dumping bucket after bucket of water over him during shoots. It's because the boy looks utterly divine when drenched.

20. He loves his girlfriends.

Yeah, I'm jealous to death of every lady he's ever been with. But it's hard to remain bitter and resentful when you see them together, especially when you consider just how blissfully happy he looks. Like she's the centre of his universe, and he'd rob a bank or eat maggots or kill George Clooney or appear on TRL just because she wanted him to. And I have to agree with Susan Sarandon's comment that Jake's eyes "reflect his enormous and infinite capacity to love". She may have been a little Jake-drunk when she said that, but still. Ms Sarandon, you are the awesomeness, and I think you're fab, but seriously. You're old and wrinkly and married. So back away from my man and his infinite love-reflecting eyes, or whatever you're calling them these days.

21. My mother loves him.

She adores all my imaginary boyfriends, but Jake is a particular favourite.She finds him adorable, and regards him rather like the son she never had. I'll have to get rid of that notion, because if he's her son, then I become his sister..and you know. It's going to be a little awkward. She sits through all his movies and enjoys them all. Except that sorry excuse of a turd-film, The Day After Tomorrow. But my goshness did he look good in that flick or what?


Stay gorgeous Jacob. Inside and out.



Now, aren't you all just glad that I got my Internet back?