I Have Returned. Here, Have An Eargasm. Or Six.

I've been gone for quite a while, if you've noticed. I'm quite sure you people haven't missed me one jot, but like I always say; dig into your inner hypocrites and pretend you did, darnits.
Anywho, I need to get this Eargasm business sorted out, because I am disgustingly late. And it doesn't matter that I have to type on my lap, or that this computer screen makes me feel like I have the eyesight of a diabetic 75 year-old, and all my music files have been erased by a mean-ass virus, I'm going to do this anyway. So onwards.

For those not in the know, the Eargasm Mix is part of Splotchy's Green Monkey Music Project, hosted this time around by the awesomest Canadian I know, the Bad Tempered Zombie. Participants were asked to submit a list of 6 songs that gave them an auditory orgasm, "songs that have those perfect little auditory moments, those all too brief seconds that give you a thrill and transport you somewhere utterly sublime' and we also have the option of posting an explanation of sorts, as to why we chose the songs we did. And I have completely forgot what songs I picked, so give me two secs while I head on over to Splotchy's home base and refresh my atrocious memory. And I'm not much of a music journalist either, so.
Oh and all my music files have been deleted by the Big Bad Virus, so I won't be able to pinpoint the exact minute-and-second in the song during which the eargasm occurs.

1. (Antichrist Television Blues) by Arcade Fire

You know a song is eargasmic when the band has to put the title in brackets, as if to contain its enormous magnitude of eargasmicness from being unleashed upon the world and destroying entire civilizations. Word. I believe somebody else also picked this very song for their list, and I'm very curious to see if we both chose it for the same reasons.
Because it has Eargasm-Containing Brackets.
Well, no.
I'm not sure if this is cheating, but (Antichrist Television Blues) makes it on this list, not because of a particular jolt-giving auditory moment, as the project rules suggested, but for the way the song ends. The absence of any audio, in other words. Arcade Fire, besides being rather a kick-ass band, have quite nearly mastered the art of ending a song Dramatically. Not dramatically, but Dramatically. This song ends on an eargasm. The ending of this song, to use Grace's word, is KERPOWEY. Or KERSPASHY. I'm not quite sure how she put it. It's like one huge 3 minute and some seconds-long wait as the whole thing builds up to the final note. Or the very moment the final note ends. Mainly because it cuts off at a such an odd point, where you're still expecting a few more lines, and then The Dramatic Eargasmic Ending proceeds to blow your mind. In a very mind-blowing manner.

2. Svo Hljott by Sigur ros

If there's a band out there capable of even more eargasmicness than Arcade Fire itself, it's these guys. Svo Hljott, or So Quietly, if you prefer the English, is about 9 minutes long, and like everything else this band have ever created, is gorgeous beyond all reason (which reminds me; my next post is going to be a review of Twilight, the movie). The magic happens at around 4:20. Prior to this it's all Jonsi's heavenly voice and heavenly guitars and a generally heavenly, if somewhat angsty, atmosphere. Then the drums come in, the famous cello-guitar (a ceetar?) and and it all builds and builds and builds and builds and builds up to a point where yours truly is crawling around on the floor gasping and demanding a respirator. And it keeps going right up to the end, it does. Those skinny Icelandicers are quite merciless once they know they've got you hooked.
Also, the very first time I heard this song, I cried. And me, I don't cry. Ever. And if that's not an Eargasm, or any other kind of Gasm, I don't know what is.


3. Teardrop by José Gonzales


Originally by Massive Attack (you know, the freaky-ass video with the singing foetus) I never quite liked this song very much until I heard Jose's version of it. It was one of those rare moments for me, when a cover blows the original right out of the proverbial water. Once again, I cheat a little. There's no specific moment of eargasm. It's one long, mellow, slow, drawn-out eargasm. It stunned me, and it still does, how Mr. Gonzales can make his voice and a couple of acoustic guitars sound like a bleeding 254-piece orchestra (if a 254-piece orchestra exists). The sound is so fudging rich and it seems to fill up all the ventricles in my heart with sweet jangly acoustic Scandinavian goodness. I also have a thing for songs where a bunch of the same lines are just repeated over and over again. I suppose it comforts me or something. And the fact that I can't listen to it at the moment is absolutely carving me up from the inside out. *le sigh*

4.Cold Days From The Birdhouse by The Twilight Sad

A few things you should know:
a. I adore the Scottish accent.
b. I mean, I really really adore the Scottish accent.
c. I have been told on several occasions that I will never be happy until I acquire a Scottish boyfriend to call my own. Preferably one named McAllister.
d. The Twilight Sad is a Scottish band.
e. When the lead singer sings lead, he does not lose his accent. At all. It remains thick, as thick as my hair gets when I haven't trimmed it in 4 months.
f. I like Scottish accents.


You see where I'm going here?
No, to be fair, The Twilight Sad is an excellent band, and Cold Days From The Birdhouse is an unbelievable song of gorgeous eargasmic proportions. It's just that I get quite a rush when he starts singing "And this is where yer arm can't go" and "Where are yer manners?" and he rolls all his Rs and I get tingly and lie back and dream of Glasgow. In which case I could have picked pretty much any song of theirs and called it an Eargasm. But for the sake of nostalgia I've put in the very first Twilight Sad song I ever heard. And don't let me superficialityness stop you from appreciating what is truly an amazing song.


5. Untitled #8 by Sigur ros

Sigur ros can do Eargasms like no other. They live for it, and so do their fans. Untitled #8 starts off all lovely and acoustic, which I like. But my favourite part is when about halfway through when you can only hear the bass and the strange whooshy drums and Jonsi doing his "eeeeiaaiiooooooeeeee" wailing. And the drums get whooshier and the bass gets bassier and Jonsi's wailing gets wailer and it is all so Genius in such a Ridiculously Genius way that I want to go find a nice empty piece of wall and bang my head against it.
Also, Untitled #8 is from the band's third album called (). Yes. That's right. The album is called (). They don't need a title, just a pair of brackets to contain the Awesome Eargasmicness of every. Single. Track. On. That. Album. (). HA! Tell Arcade Fire to call me back when they've made an entire album that needs to have its Eargasmicness contained in brackets!()! ()! ()!


6. How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead


I really like it when Radiohead goes mellow. I like it a lot. That's when you get to hear Thom's voice in all it's proper glory. And I have mentioned before that I particularly enjoy having a set of lyrics repeated over and over. Thom's voice. Repetitive lyrics. Weirdish guitars. Eargasm. Happy BAP. Like so: =D


There you have it, my choices for this edition of the Green Monkey Music Project and why I picked them. I must say it's been mighty fun playing along for the first time! Thanks a whole lot to the Zombie for letting me join in the party, and for coming up with such a kick-ass idea for a playlist, as well as to Splotchy for being so generally awethum. You can download my 6 songs here, if you like, and check out everyone else's contributions here.