Here,I present to you, the 1.5 people who read this blog on a regular basis, several tried and tested ways of cheating on an exam.
I myself have tried a few of these methods,and I have never been caught.
Of course,I am no longer a cheat.
I sit for my examinations with an honest and pure heart,ready to test and prove the fruits of my last-minute swotting sessions.
Really.
I don't cheat anymore. I have been reformed.
And here I am,to share my knowledge,and the knowledge others have passed on to me,so you can observe the signs and catch them red-handed. After which you may one of two things
-Rat them out to a teacher
or
-Blackmail them. Hang it over their heads. Torture them for the rest of their school-going lives.
How To Cheat On An Exam.
1. Use Your Fingers
Make up signs and symbols(polite and socially acceptable ones) to represent the letters A,B,C,D and E. In case of need to cheat,discreetly attract your friend's attention(make sure it's someone who won't rat you out) and discreetly use your fingers to show which question it is that you need to cheat on. Your friend will then give you the answer,based on your very own personal secret code.
The drawback of this method is that it only works on multiple answer tests.
2. Paper In Pen Caps
Pretend you want to borrow a pen. Stick a piece of paper with your question in the pen cap. Return the pen. Your friend will discreetly read the question and give you an answer. After a suitable period of time,borrow the pen again. Copy answer. Return pen. Repeat if/when necessary.
3. Tissue paper
Works on the same principle as no.2. Sneeze a lot before the test,to make it clear you have a cold or something. Ask a friend for some tissue(during the test). Take tissue. Pretend to blow your nose. Discreetly write your question on the tissue. Pass the packet back. Keep a piece of tissue to fool everybody else. Your friend will write down the answer on the tissue. You sneeze again.Ask for more tissue. Your concerned friend will pass you the packet. You copy the answers. Sniff a few times for good measure. It's important not to overdo this one,since you risk being melodramatic .
4.Stuff the answers in your shoe or down your sock.
Write down any important formulae or figures on a small piece of paper. When you really really can't take it,excuse yourself to go to the little girl's room(or little boy's room-we don't discriminate on this blog). Lock yourself in the cubicle. Take the paper out of your shoe/sock. Have a good read through. Go back and finish the test. Dispose of the paper (yep,you guessed it) discreetly. This works pretty well,just don't go to the toilet too many times.
5. Get a partner in crime.
Employ someone from a diffrent class or form. Have them keep a reference book or textbook for you. Arrange to meet in a discreet locaton at a discreet time. Meet your parner at said discreet location at said discreet time. Have a good read through. Don't take too long,and make sure nobody who knows you should be doing a test sees you.
6.Scribble on your hand/table/in your examination pad
Elementary. Tables are so full of graffitti anyway,nobody will be able to tell the difference between y=mx+c and Andrew loves Rachel. And no teacher ever bothers to check your writing paper.
7.Peek at another person's paper.
Easy. If you have good eyesight,a long neck,and if the other bugger is willing to co-operate.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
How To Cheat On An Exam
Monday, September 10, 2007
The Paper Chase. And More Taggage!
Grace, who wants to be a shrew. Or at least I think that's what she said.. Anyway Grace is way rad, and played a huge,HUGE part in my Personal Musical and Vanessa-ness Revolution of 2006.
Kasthuri,who I didn't like very much at first but now my schoolday mornings are empty when she isn't around. Oh and she lyurves chicken.
Annmarie, my philosophy and theology and Heroes discussion partner,and we share Sylar on alternate months,or something like that.
Janice, who is family but I can't leave her out,can I ?
The dude who invented the Internet. You rawk,my man.
Paolo Nutini, who just made my year. He WILL give up the fish and chip business,because of his deep and abiding lurve for me.
And open up a sandwich bar instead.
Grace can have one for free.
Oprah Winfrey,who is the most amazing woman in the world,after my mom.
Aaaand last,but by no means least is-
Oh wait,that's it.
Ten.
10 Things To Do Before I Die
Watch a Liverpool match at Anfield. Or the other stadium,if Anfield gets pulverised by the time I get there.
Travel Around Europe.
I don't care how I get there. Backpacking,by foot,by plane,anything. I just wanna GET there
Get My Arse To A Coldplay Gig
Enuff said.
Write An Awesome Book.
I've always wanted to. Write a book,I mean. I just don't have any ideas. I guess I need to live life for a few more decades. It doesn't matter whether I get published or not. It's just imperative that it should be something I worked on myself,which is honest and funny and it will mean a hell of a lot to me. Me,someone who has wanted to write books for as long as I can remember.
Learn To Cook
I'm a lousy cook. Mainly because I have never actually tried. I can boil an egg. I mean,who can't,right? And I can toast bread. You know how it is,when you've just had a yummy,splendifress meal,and you're so full and warm you feel as though you love everyone in the whole wide world? I want to give people that feeling. Without them needing to put Poison Control or Bomba on speed dial.
Fall in Love
Cheesy,I know.Cheese. Parmesan,cheddar,edam,cheeeeeeeeesy.
But love is so ridiculous and yet so wonderful.
Ridiculous because in most cases it's a stranger,someone with little or no connection with you(initially) and then you want to spend the rest of your life with him/her.
Beautiful because somehow we homo sapiens have the capacity to love someone who isn't family or anything,so very deeply.
Chee-eee-eezay!
Make my mark on the World.
In a positive sense of course. Mean something to someone. Heck, Hannah(that's a buddy of mine) and I hatched a plan to revolutionize the Malaysian judiciary system. It involves bra sizes and ancient perverted Roman court rituals.
Watch out for that one.
Learn To Play a Musical Instrument
It is somewhat ludicrous that I,who love music so much,cannot play an instrument. I have made some vague plans to master the guitar
In the near future,after my exams,using one of those Dummy books.
Finish Reading this bloody Book
And get a Body like this
Weeeell..it was supposed to be a smoking hawt pic of Angelina Jolie but there's something wrong with my html thingie..
Almost impossible,I know. But it's something to do,until I die and can't do anything about it.
Getting a bod like Angelina's,I mean.
Dang,this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would!
Next!
10 Things I Cannot Live Without
-Familia
-My fwends =)
-A home
-Food (like,duh)
-BOOKS!
-Mooosic!
-my computer
-my glasses I am lost without them.
-my fourfourtwo collection. I spend countless hours leafing through sinfully hilarious pieces of sports journalism.
-my jeans,the only article of clothing that makes me look half decent.
10 Bad Habits
-nail-biting
-procrastinating(the worst of all,as exemplified by what I am doing right now. Blogging. Instead.Of.Studying)
-Picking at my scalp. I don't have dandruff or anything. I just like doing it.
-Staring at people in a mean way.
-Indulging in piracy,just like everyone else.
-Gossiping and/or saying mean stuff about other people behind their backs.
-Dropping the F-bomb.
-Refusing to eat fish.
-Spending too much time worrying about things that shouldn't be worried about.
-Spending too much time daydreaming about things and people and places that do not exist.
10 Attitudes That Turn Me Off
-Sexism(e.g male chauvinist pigs)
-Racism.
-People having loud conversations on their mobiles. In the cinema.
-People text messaging other people while you're trying to have a conversation with them.
-People who don't reply text messages within 48 hours.
-People who bump into you then make the "tsssk" sound,while glaring disapprovingly,as if it were your fault they couldn't see where they were going.
-Shameless sucking up,or as Grace put it,sapu-butter-ism.
-Shallow-mindedness,or narrow-mindedness,or stubborn-mindedness. All the same to me.
-Elitism? Aaah..people who forget their roots. Think they're better. Think they're cooler. Prettier. Everything-else-er.
-Sluttiness.
10 Words To Describe Me?
- Sarcastic(somewhat)
-Moody
-Intelligent. (No,really. I am.)
-Sexy.
-Drop-dead gorgeoussss
- Passionate (about some things that I'm passionate about)
-Sensitive
-Procrastinator
-Dreamy(as in I daydream a lot,geddit?)
-Lovable
10 Fave Bands(for now)(not in order.)
-Coldplay
-Muse
-Sigur ros
-Travis
-Bel Auburn
-The Killers
-The Stills
-Arctic Monkeys
-Explosions In The Sky
-Regina Spektor (so,she's not a band,but I love her anyway!)
There! I'm done! I'll just tag one person..
International Mastermind. If you're reading this,you've been tagged.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
What I Have Learned From Watching Spongebob Squarepants
2. There is no creature on earth dumber than a Patrick.
3. Squid suffer low self-esteem problems and don't wear pants.
4. Electrical appliances work just fine underwater.
5. Even when you live at the bottom of the sea,you still have to take baths.
6. Spongebob,Patrick and Squidward discovered fire,and don't you forget it!
7. Plankton are evil little buggers.
8. Eating cubed cheese will attract sea-bears.
9. A male crab, on its own, can reproduce to form a blonde whale.
10. A snail is a heck of a lot smarter than a Spongebob.
11. All crabs are cheapskates and sweat a lot.
Rock on,educational television!
KIV: What I have learned from watching Supernatural.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Happy Birthday Malaysia,and happy taggage.
My country turns 50 years old today! It is a little scary,considering the fact that my dad is,like,as old as a whole bleeding country.
Anywaaay. There are many things wrong with this country. For example,a practically racist government. But I draw inspiration from Peako. It may be all dandy to sit around in mamak stalls and have faux-intellectual discussions about how much the government sucks.
But it's a WHOLE other story when it comes to actually doing something about it. Making a change. And if there's one thing the majority of Malaysians have in common,including myself,it's probably apathy.
But I know for a fact that Malaysia is full of some very cool,nice,amazing,wonderful,great,intelligent,caring human beings.
I know many people like that.
And to have come so far as a nation in just 50 years is incredible.
50 years is not a very long time,if you think about it. Many of us have parents who are older than Malaysia!
So. Happy birthday Malaysia. Overlooking some of your major flaws,you RAWK!
I mean,once upon a time,the British,Portuguese,Dutch,Russians,Americans,Japanese etc. were all whacking each other over the head trying to rule us.
C'mon. How much do we rawk?
Now,on to more serious stuff.
Grace tagged me.
How dare you Grrrrace....
Rules:
1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect guy/girl.
2. Have to mention the gender.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.
Right-to. Let's have it.
I am a girl. Female. I like boys. That's how it works;girls like boys,they have sex,make more lil boys and girls..etc. Sometimes,I think girls are hot. I really do.
But I'm straight,so I won't be giving the time to another girl any time soon.
Moving on...
I actually have 27 criteria for the perfect guy,but since this taggage only requires eight..(if you want the whole list,Grace,contact me).
1. He should have values and principles. That probably sounds sooo uptight,but I mean it. Common decency,at the very least! Respect for women,other people,kindness,a little compassion, and uh. Stuff like that.
2. He should love good moosic. If he's a Coldplay fan than he's got my vote.
3. He should look good in a tux.
He should look good in black.
He should look good naked.
Heck,he should just plain look good.
4. His ex-girlfriends should regret ever letting him go,possibly even to the point of being suicidal.
5. He should be a good conversationalist. Willing to both talk and to listen. It helps if he's smart(foreign languages,literature,etc.).And I should feel totally comfortable both in stimulating coversation,or silent lulls.
6. He shouldn't be overly sappy or romantic. If he texts me 200 times a day just to say Babe,I'm in a meeting and I can't get over how stunning you are i love you you are my angel then I'm likely to get sick and tired or worse,suspicious that he's up to something else. Which nicely leads to..
7. Loyalty and honesty. Enuff' said.
8. He should be insanely and deeply and passionately in lurve with me. Like,duh.
There you go Grace! I have performed my taggage duties.
Oh and it won't kill me if he looks like Paolo Nutini.
Or Petr Cech.
Or Fernando Torres.